In today’s society, there seems to be a lot of apprehension, and negativity. Sure, there are always going to be sources of inspiration and positivity, but with the numerous ways in which humans can communicate in the modern age, it seems we’re destined to be exposed to the worst of society at any given moment. Perhaps these innumerable blemishes on the face of society is to blame for many people becoming cynical and disapproving.
Whether or not the world is a good or terrible place, the discouraging nature of some people has a detrimental effect on children. As parents, the only thing to do is to shield them from such negativity and doubt, or better yet, prepare them to deal with doubters and skeptics. That’s why one of the best things you can for a child, is to teach them how to trudge the cynics, and how to take risks even if the world is telling them no.
Licensed Clinical Professional Counsellor at the Chrysalis Group and school counsellor, Phyllis Fagell believes that kids these days aren’t being taught to succeed in a world full of doubt. That’s why she’s formulated a list of 10 ways in which kids can succeed in modern society!
Raise your kids to overcome the pessimists with these 10 steps! Give them the tools they need to take risks in a world full of “no’s”!
1. Bet on yourself
Teach your children the importance of expecting excellence from themselves. Kids need to know that, outside of their parents, there are few people that they can truly depend on in order to succeed. Help them understand that if they rely and depend on themselves, as opposed to others, they’ll be more likely to persevere. Let them know that they can only control the thoughts and behaviours of one person: themselves.
2. Don’t let anyone bring you down
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Kids have a tendency to dream big, and there’s nothing wrong with that. You should let kids reach for the stars and strive for greatness. One important part of reaching for the stars, however, is not letting anyone clip your wings on the path to glory. Teach kids to not get discouraged by doubters at an early age. Prepare them for the sad fact that skeptics will surface at some point down the road, but to not pay them any mind and to stay focused on achieving their dreams.
3. Seek forgiveness and not permission
On the road to success, your kids will come across people who will tell them, “no” or “no you can’t”.
“If you know your pursuit is worthwhile, ethical and safe, take a chance,” says Fagell. “Assume you have a green light until you hear the sirens blaring. It’s a lot easier to stop something than to create something, so make the naysayers work hard to put on the brakes.”
4. Put yourself in a position to succeed
My high school counsellor used to always end the morning announcements with one simple saying: “If you don’t like the people around you, change the people around you.” It sounded silly at the time, but I began to understand what it meant years later.
You should teach your children a similar lesson as my old counsellor. That lesson is to make sure they’re in the best position to succeed as possible. If your kid is unchallenged or uncomfortable socially, then there’s a strong possibility that they won’t move forward. Teach them that they need to be surrounded by people and situations that will push them to be better.
5. Take the high road
I’ve talked a lot about the world being full of negativity thus far. Well, the truth is, there’s a fair balance of good-intentioned individuals too. Teach your child to be one of those people! There will be heaps of judgment, contempt, and disapproval in their endeavours, but teach your kids to take the high road and to maintain their sense of purpose.
6. Get right back on the horse
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Prepare your children for the inevitability that they’ll fail at least once in life. The important thing they need to know about this failure is that it doesn’t mean it’s over. They can learn from failure and use it to advance. Teach them that if at first, they don’t succeed, they can try again with more experience, resolve, and maturity the second time around!
7. Importance of vulnerability
Fagell believes that vulnerability is an invaluable key to a child’s success. “If you are unguarded, you risk fear and rejection, but the rewards can be great,” she claims. “Vulnerability is at the root of creativity and innovation.”
Let them put themselves on the chopping block when they’re developing a new skill. Constructive criticism is one of the only ways to learn and improve. In order to receive it, however, they must first be vulnerable.
8. Have a positive self-image
People are often their own biggest critic. That’s a fact of life, and there’s nothing wrong with it. The problems come when you allow others to become your biggest critic also. If you let them get under your skin, you develop a negative self-image and that can be the biggest deterrent there is. Don’t let your kids develop a poor perception of themselves!
9. Practice positive thoughts
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Fagell suggests that because we have thousands of thoughts a day, it’s important that we don’t ruminate on the negative ones too often. “You may be overly self-critical or exaggerate problems. Monitor your thoughts so they don’t hinder you,” she says. Teach your kids the value of positive thoughts and they’ll remain positive n the outside!
10. Let others do the rejecting
Teach your children to take as many chances and logical risks as possible. As Fagell explains, “Apply to your favourite college even if your SAT scores seem too low. Enter that fiction contest even though there are hundreds of submissions. Sign up for that tennis match despite being the lowest-ranked player. It may not be a win, but you will never wonder what might have been.”
Phyllis Fagell’s original article was published by The Washington Post
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