There are definitely some things you shouldn’t say in an argument. Of course, I know that tempers are fraying and you’re beyond mad (and at times, hurt) but some words may just heighten the fight.
Here are 10 things you should never say to your husband in a fight:
#1 “You NEVER help me out around the house!”
Never generalise. You should be wary of using the words “never” and “always” in describing something your spouse does that annoys you.
By using these words, you show a total lack of confidence and hope that your partner even has the desire to change. It just makes him feel like whatever he does around the house is not being acknowledged or appreciated.
#2 “You’re a (insert harsh adjective)!”
It is never a good thing if you’re name-calling your husband into giving in during an argument. It makes them feel ten times more worthless and vulnerable. Men are sensitive too!
#3 “I should’ve listened to my mum when she warned me about this.”
Bringing someone else into the fight is complicated enough as it is. Make that third person your mother and the whole situation will probably escalate further.
You probably shouldn’t bring up the fact that your mother has issues with your husband. He doesn’t need to know that, it’ll make him feel like everyone is ganging up on him. Stick to fighting fair.
#4 “Why are you so stupid?”
Calling him dumb isn’t going to make the situation better. You’ll just look like the bully here.
#5 “Why can’t you be like (insert other woman’s name here)’s husband?”
Comparing your husband to everyone else’s isn’t going to make him want to change for the better. It’ll only drive him away from you. Instead, tell him firmly what you expect from him in this marriage.
#6 “I don’t even know why I’m still together with you.”
Contemplating your marriage out loud is only going to make things worse. It reaffirms your spouse that there might be a possible end to your marriage.
#7 “I want a divorce.”
In an intense argument, it is easy to say things you do not mean. Refrain from saying the D word. You might just regret saying it out loud because no amount of forgiveness can make him forget that you actually said it. Don’t say things you don’t mean – it’ll only bring a lack of confidence in one another.
#8 “Look at what your father did.”
Never include your children into your mess. Do not ask them to pick sides, it’ll only break apart a family.
Always remember that you should never, ever, argue in front of your children. If you use your children to gain an advantage in a fight, it will only hurt your kids more.
#9 “I’m not angry.”
If you are not angry, then why are you making snappy remarks, slamming the door, putting him down and giving him the silent treatment?
Denying your reactions with those that love you is pointless. You need to show your emotions and not give subtle hints; expecting your husband to know what’s been bothering you. It is better to control your emotions and talk about it instead.
#10 “It’s all because of you!”
You’re not giving him a fair chance to explain himself if you’re constantly placing the blame on your husband.
In a marriage, it is never “one person’s fault” – assume responsibility and recognise your own faults.