Sex is an integral part of marriage and is an issue that many couples grapple with. Though it has the power to bring strengthen the relationship, it also has the power to create profound feelings of loneliness and shame.
One theAsianparent Community user shared his concerns regarding his sexual relationship with his wife:
So how do you get your wife to want you? Or if you're the wife in this scenario, what areas can you tell your husband to improve on?
1. Woo her brain.
Let's face it, we're just a little more complicated than you guys. It’ll take a lot more than touching her intimately to get her to want to have sex with you. You’ll have to make her want you emotionally and mentally before anything else.
Make it clear to her that you enjoy her in a non-sexual way as well. Ask her about work, or how her sister is doing. Let her talk, and listen. Appreciate everything she does around the house. Never underestimate the power of a simple, “Thank you.”
2. Help her around the house.
Guess what, guys! When a woman says she’s too tired for sex, she’s probably too tired for sex. Being a mom can really take a toll on a woman, and if she’s spending most of the day cooking, cleaning, and running after the kids, it’s no wonder that sex is the last thing on her mind when she’s in the bedroom.
Make sure that the household chores are evenly divided so she doesn’t feel like a maid in her own home. Not only will she have more energy for you, but she’ll also respect and admire your efforts, too.
3. Take her out on regular dates.
“Plan out a romantic date night for just the two of you,” wrote theAsianparent Community user Harminder K. “Make her feel special—spend some quality time communicating with each other.”
Give her an excuse to dress up and feel less like just another tired mom and more like the fun-loving woman she was when you were still dating. Make an effort with your appearance as well. Open the door for her, shower her with compliments, and she’ll remember why she married you in the first place.
4. Put her pleasure first.
Let’s be blunt: if your wife isn’t orgasming, that’s probably why she’s less than enthused about sex. And it's common knowledge that the male orgasm is so much simpler to achieve than the female, which is why you should put in more effort.
One common pitfall that married men fall into is doing the same thing over and over again in the bedroom. After all, if it worked for her before, why shouldn’t it work again? But doing the same old thing every night is boring. Change things up, and your wife will be excited to have sex with you.
How do you make sure you don't go too far? That brings us to my fifth point…
5. Talk about sex.
“From what I've been learning from being married to my partner for seven years now, it is important for us to always try to be open to each other about everything, most importantly about sex,” one anonymous theAsianparent Community user wrote. “We sneakily talk about it on our dates, asking each other about what we both want to explore and try, what is unpleasant, what we enjoy, and so forth.”
Being open about sex is vital in marriage—this is what makes or breaks you. This doesn’t mean sitting down at the dinner table and making an Excel file about what works and what doesn’t. Keep it light and easy, so that you'll both feel that you can tell each other anything. Absolutely anything.
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