As moms, we long to know every detail of our children’s days – what adventures they had, what they learned, and how they’re really feeling. But often when we ask, we’re met with a familiar refrain: “Good,” “Play,” “Nothing.”
A fellow mom recently shared her daily exchange with her two young sons that will sound all too familiar:
“How was your day at school?”
“Good.”
“What did you do today?”
“Play.”
“What did you play?”
“Tag.”
“Did you bring your handbook?”
“Oopsie! I forgot.”
“Do you remember your homework?”
“Hmmm. I think nothing.”
And then, just before bed: “Oh! I forgot I have an English spelling test tomorrow.”
Sound like your house? This mom isn’t alone. Many of us parents express the same frustration – the bigger our kids get, the less we seem to know about their daily lives.
“What are they doing at school?”, we wonder. “Are they getting along with friends? Is their confidence being impacted?”
As one mom said, “I can’t imagine how my life would be as a mother to teenagers.”
So why do our children clam up when we try to engage them? For young kids under 12, there can be a few reasons:
- Language barriers: Preschoolers have limited vocabularies, making it hard to express their thoughts and feelings.
- Forgetfulness: Kids are naturally forgetful, but those memories will resurface with patience.
- Fear of consequences: They may worry about getting scolded or punished for sharing certain information.
- Unfamiliarity: Transitioning from a teacher-led kindergarten to being expected to communicate independently in primary school is a big shift.
As concerned parents, what can we do to break through and nurture that open communication?
Here are some tips:
- Create a safe space. Listen without judgment and show genuine interest. When my son shared a friend had hurt his feelings, I resisted lecturing. Instead, I validated his emotions and empowered him to resolve it himself.
- Establish a bedtime routine. Children thrive on habits. After 4 years of consistent sleep training, my son now automatically gives me a goodnight hug – even if I forget!
- Model deeper sharing. When he asks about my day, I share a specific moment or feeling, not just a generic “good.” This teaches him to articulate his experiences in more detail.
And here are 3 magic questions to get the conversation flowing:
- What was the best part of your day?
- Did anything make you feel sad or upset today?
- What are you looking forward to tomorrow?
These questions unlocked a new level of communication between us. Now my son eagerly shares stories of class races, friendship dramas, and fun family outings. As busy parents, we may not have hours to spend with our kids each day. But by seizing those precious bedtime moments, we can build lasting connections and gain real insight into their lives.
So, keep those questions handy, Mama – your child’s next big reveal could be just a goodnight away!
Written by Swetha, a parent coach at Bricks and Block