As our kids grow older and approach their tween and teen years, some of us find ourselves drifting away from our kids as they become more independent.
Yes, we all want to see our children grow up and have the capability to function as responsible adults some day. But as tweens/ teens, they are still immature in certain ways. When communication channels between kids and parents are not open as they grow older, all kinds of issues and situations might arise, including ones that compromise our kids’ safety.
We’d like to revisit an incident that occurred some time ago, that involved a teenage girl openly writing about her sex life and ‘foursome’ in her blog.
She talks about getting a vibrator as a gift and her various “sexperiences”
In one of her posting she writes, “I tried something new yesterday…it was my official first time having a foursome. 2 guys and 2 girls switching partners every now and then. I know I feel a little inferior about my body. I don’t feel good about having another girl to see me naked in front of her cos I feel that my body isn’t good enough…. Anyway, “V” intro me to his friends.
The couples are in their early 30’s. The man is Eurasian, whereas the girl is Chinese. It is not a bad experience actually. I was the youngest amongst all and it’s more like having racial harmony sex, Chinese, Malay and Eurasian! 3 in 1! Lol.”
Worse still she includes pictures of herself, many taken in hotel rooms, and as a netizen reader shares, “she writes in her blog about how she knows she has disappointed her parents, yet she posted her family photos in there, for all to see.”
The blog is now defunct. But the damage the girl did is sure to last.
A wake-up call for parents
Even though it happened in the past, the possibility of this happening to your child or mine is still real if they are not guided correctly in their formative years.
Parents of younger kids reading this, keep these tips in mind:
- Start young. Encourage your kids to open up to you from a young age. After school each day, don’t just ask them how school was (you’d probably get a ‘good’ in reply). Instead, ask open-ended questions, such as “tell me about what made you sad”, or “tell me three things that made you really happy today”. Please read this article for more tips: How to get your kids to talk about their day with you.
- Teach your children about Internet safety. Here’s a good resource: 10 things you need to teach your kids about Internet safety.
- Be open about sex. This is not to say you and your partner should have sex in front of your kids! But answer their curious questions with honesty, keeping their age, of course in mind. Read this article for more: Talking to the kids about sex.
If your kids are older, it’s still not too late to have a proper, old-fashioned heart-to-heart chat with them, mums and dads. If they feel more comfortable with it, you could even ask one of their aunts, uncles or older cousins to be that shoulder to lean on.