Back in 1998 when other kids were worried about their grades, school life and future career prospects, 14-year-old Mary Jenkins was dealing with an unwarranted teenage pregnancy. An unexpected decision that completely changed her from raising a child at a tender age to becoming a powerhouse of talent and a certified “hustler” at life.
With five kids, a loving husband and a successful career behind her, Jenkins is the embodiment of the phrase, “Take control of your life.”
Her inspiring story is the support system that many young girls need to learn from in order to understand that your past does not define your future.
And to make that happen, Mary recently turned author with her book ‘Fourteen & Pregnant,’ which chronicles her life during the teenage pregnancy and later as a single mother. It also takes you through the trials of unplanned parenthood, while giving hope that things do eventually turn around for the better for each one of us.
theAsianparent recently caught up with Mary Jenkins–now a mum of five– to learn more about her book, her life as a single mum over the years and her mantra of living the best version of yourself. Here are the excerpts from the interview.
Teenage Pregnancy At The Age Of 14
Image Source: Mary Jenkins
TAP: You got pregnant in your teens, how did that change your life?
Mary Jenkins: I found out I was pregnant with my daughter in December 1998. A week before my 14th birthday.
My teenage pregnancy was hidden from my parents because I was terrified to tell them and afraid that once they know everything it will then become very real. I wasn’t prepared and I don’t think I came to terms with myself that I was. My parenting journey required a lot of adjustments.
It was a lot of stress, change and learning. I became a mum at such a really young age. I was a child myself and because I was so young I feel like I became a better mum when I got older.
However, giving up was never an option. Improving my situation for the better. When you work so hard God will reward you.
TAP: How did the teenage pregnancy journey impact you mentally?
Mary Jenkins: It made me think differently about life. I had to be strong. It was my only option because I hate failing. My advice to women going through this similar situation is, don’t give up on your goals and dreams.
Ask for help if you need it. Change your circle if you are still in the same position that you are in and haven’t evolved. Stop saying you’re going to do something but don’t do it.
Go to a trade school and learn a skill so you can always fall back on. I am currently studying psychology and have earned a Life Coaching Certification. During the pandemic, I enrolled myself in a course offered by Yale, The Science of Well-Being (everyone should take this class, it was amazing), and I am also a licensed manicurist – a trade that I enjoy and that I can always fall back on (always have a plan). However, there is still room for me to grow and I want to keep learning new things.
Never stop wanting more for yourself. It’s never too late.
Raising Kids As A Single Mum
Image Source: Mary Jenkins
TAP: Has being a single mother changed your life?
Mary Jenkins: Tremendously! I know what that life was like. It taught me to be independent and not have to rely on anyone. It taught me how to hustle and in return, it taught me to realise my worth.
Financially it was rough, but I did what I had to do to provide for my kids. I was a single mum of two before meeting my husband. My kids never want for anything. If it took for me to work overtime and have side jobs, I will do it, to provide for them.
That’s why sometimes it’s really hard for me to listen to those that constantly complain when they can change and they have all the tools to do so. Pride and laziness get into a lot of people’s way to prevent them from achieving their goals.
TAP: What’s a typical day like for you today?
Mary Jenkins: I am up early, making sure my sons are ready for school. I have a special needs child as well, so he has many appointments throughout the week.
My 15-year-old son is active in sports. So he requires a lot of training, practice and travelling. The older kids pretty much do their own thing and have their own schedule.
One is getting ready to leave for the army and one is still in school. I am so proud of them!
I work out three to four times a week and I am still in school part-time. So I normally do my assignments late in the evening while my husband handles the kids. I also assist my husband with things he needs me to do for him. He’s an entrepreneur, works for himself and has his hands in many investments.
When you’re married to an entrepreneur, it means you’ve been hired as an assistant without even knowing it.
I answer emails throughout the day and night. My husband and I have also been tapping into the stock market as well just learning and investing in stocks and cryptocurrency. That pretty much elaborates on how my weekday looks like.
My weekends are all about the kids and spending time with them. We love watching movies and tv shows as a family. Weekends are pretty much family time.
I go on dates with my husband occasionally on weekends as well. You have to make time for your partner when life gets so busy and with so many kids. That’s why it’s so important in our house how things are being run.
Balancing the Duties Of A Mum And A Professional
Image Source: Mary Jenkins
TAP: How do you balance your many roles as a mother and a professional?
Mary Jenkins: I take time for myself so I don’t go crazy. My husband and I still have date nights, I hang out with my girlfriends, I have a self-care day once a week.
I enjoy every moment of my life being a mommy to my children but mommy also has to feel her best in order for them to get the best out of me. That’s a balance for me.
Understanding that I have to feel good about myself so that I can always deliver.
TAP: What’s your secret to success?
Mary Jenkins: Just do it! You know you have to do whatever it is that you need to get the job done so just do it, there’s no need in putting it off. We run a tight shift in our house.
There are five children and everyone has a schedule – weekly goals and monthly goals. We go over them collectively. It helps everyone in the house stay on track.
TAP: What has been the most significant barrier you faced as a woman or as a mother?
Mary Jenkins: Not being taken seriously. I think every woman at some point deals with this. Add being a mother on top of that. But what people fail to realise is that being a mom is probably one of the toughest jobs. We are superwomen in real life.
We will do anything and everything that we need to do to get the job done especially in our household. So imagine in the career field. At least for me, I do not take no for an answer nor do I take it lightly. I don’t believe in it.
TAP: Is there anybody who inspires you, and why?
Mary Jenkins: My children inspire me every single day. I don’t know how to sit down. I work hard for them and don’t want them to have to rely on anyone. Especially, my daughter, I want her to understand that she shouldn’t have to rely on any man besides her dad if she needs something.
I think I’ve been programmed this way because I had my daughter so young. My husband is the hardest working man I know. He reminds me of my father. Always putting his kids first.
When I see him grind, it pushes me as well. Like what’s next. What else can I bring to the table? What can we do individually and together? Let’s make this money!
Be A Boss-Lady!
Image Source: Mary Jenkins
TAP: What do you hope to change for mothers and women in general?
Mary Jenkins: That all of us can be a boss! Put your mind on track and get the job done. Collectively we can all work together, encourage and uplift one another to get to our dreams and goals. If you don’t know where to start, just start by taking a class to better yourself and feeding your brain with knowledge.
The internet is a powerful tool also, do your research. You can learn many things without having to pay nowadays. There’s YouTube. You can teach yourself many skills that don’t require you to obtain a certificate or degree from researching things online. Be there for your kids if you have children.
They are always watching you. One thing I can not stand most is a mother not taking care of her kids.
TAP: What kind of future do you envision for your kids?
Mary Jenkins: You know I think about this a lot. My husband and I have these conversations all the time. We always want them to work hard and use us as a tool to get to where they need to in life.
If they have any questions about anything they can always rely on us. Nothing in life comes easy. Work hard and smart now while they’re young so that they can retire early.
I want them to be selfless and understand it’s not always about them. Have gratitude and pay it forward.
A Letter Of Hope For Girls With Teenage Pregnancy
Image Source: Mary Jenkins
TAP: What motivated you to share your story of teenage pregnancy with the world?
Mary Jenkins: I always wanted to share my story, especially to those who are a young mum, pregnant at a young age or those thinking of having a child at a young age with their boyfriends. It is not a fairytale. It is real life.
Me being a full-grown adult now and with my daughter being 21.
Having a child at a young age is not a prison sentence. We all make mistakes in life, but what do you do to make things better? I wanted to prove people wrong so badly. I dealt with a lot of criticism from my family and a bunch of naysayers. Many said I won’t amount to anything, I will never graduate from high school. I am this terrible person because I had my daughter so young.
You turn negative things that are being said about you into something that’s positive and uplifting for the world to see. I know many may say who cares what people think?
While indeed that is true but when you care just a little bit, you become this beast of a person that no one can stop you from doing anything. It’s fuel to my fire.
TAP: What was your biggest challenge when you decided to share your story?
Mary: Just wanting for it to be perfect and that my message is clear for readers.
Teen Mums, You Are Not Alone
TAP: What do you wish to change with your story?
Mary Jenkins: I didn’t have anyone to talk to about my problems that can relate to how I feel. And to be quite honest, it was also hard to open up and be vulnerable without being judged.
Because again people are more focused on “why did you do this?” “You’re ruining your life” When someone gives you that vibe you automatically shut down.
I want my book to be an encouragement to those that need to feel uplifted. A manual for someone who is going through a rough time to use my book as a reference. It’s an easy read.
My book and story is not just about teen pregnancy but for anyone who is facing adversity and a tough time. For parents who are struggling to get through their child.
The ultimate vision of my book is for it to be shared in schools as a motivational read. For those who are struggling with mental health and are crying inside. You are not alone.
TAP: What has been the most significant barrier you’ve faced as a single mum and writer?
Mary Jenkins: Writing this book was tough. Because I had to re-live a lot of my experiences. It brought back memories. I was sad and I cried a lot because It made me think of my dad who is no longer here.
I started off journaling for a really long time and finally faced my fears and turned it into an actual book when the pandemic hit.
My six-year-old son was having one of the biggest surgeries of his life and I knew I had to stay positive and sane so while he was recovering in the hospital I was right there next to him staying up all night long writing.
Teen Pregnancy Is Not The End, Learn From Mistakes
TAP: What’s your advice to single mums across the globe?
Mary Jenkins: Every woman should have a plan for their life that doesn’t involve a man. I am hoping others can learn and see that it’s not about finding the right person to sweep you off your feet. It’s about the power of energy and what you put out there for the universe to see, hear and feel.
It’s about God’s timing. Before I became someone’s wife, I had my own life. Move how I wanted to move and never having to depend on anyone.
Even if it meant me struggling to do everything on my own. I was once a single mum and I know exactly what it was like. But I always knew I would rise above.
“Don’t ever depend on anyone”
Ladies you don’t need someone there to be a whole person. Live your best life. Be a high-value woman intellectually, mentally, physically and gracefully. Don’t ever depend on anyone and when you’re ready to settle down make sure you choose someone that adds value to your life.
Once I ended a daunting, tiresome, constantly being mistreated relationship, I knew I had to change my mindset. Change my environmental setting. Choose to be around people that truly really cared.
My outlook on life completely changed. I prayed. I wanted to have and afford my own lifestyle. Meaning I did whatever the hell I wanted when I wanted. That was freedom for me. And knew that If I ever got married, he’ll just be adding to it. Meeting my husband and getting married was the next chapter of my life, not the whole book.
He was my friend first for 10 years before we took that next step in front of God. He made all my dreams come true and it became reality. God made us work for it before he made us one. My point is you better love yourself, and have your own life outside of him. Whoever he is, sustain your own happiness.
We couldn’t agree more!
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