How do kids learn table manners? And at what age should you teach table manners to your child?
Table manners for kids
Whether you’re having a family dinner at home, sharing a meal at a friend’s house or dining out in a fancy restaurant, it is important to practise good table manners. Aside from it making perfect sense and keeping your food hygienic and safe, it tells other people that you are a well-mannered person and you respect the person you’re sharing a meal with.
This is why it’s important for kids to have good table manners, especially when they reach a certain age. By teaching proper dining etiquette or good table manners to kids, you are also making sure they are equipped with important tools for social interaction that will serve them for the rest of their lives.
Here are some important table manners that your kid should learn as early as possible:
11 approaches to teaching table manners to kids
1. Be pleasant company at meals
Teach your child that it is important to be present during mealtime. And we don’t just mean physically. Concentrate on sharing meals together. Avoid using your phone, watching TV, or getting up to do anything else.
2. Cultivate thankfulness
Some households pray before eating. Meals are an opportunity to practise and demonstrate appreciation, even if you are not religious. You teach your child to be appreciative and to realise that family dinner is a special event by expressing gratitude for the food, the person who cooked it, and the opportunity to eat it together.
3. Demonstrate to your kids
Show them how to properly use their eating utensils. Make sure they know which foods to eat with a fork and which ones to eat with a spoon. Now there are very rare times when a kid will need to eat with a salad fork, but you may still want them to know what the difference is.
When dining out, one thing I always do is remove the knife from the kids’ silverware kit. There is no reason for them to have a knife and I have found that some restaurants have steak knives in those things.
4. Use an “inside voice”
Mealtime conversations can get really animated, however, remind your child to use an inside voice when they are in a restaurant.
I get my kids used to doing that in our house. This makes it easier for when we go off somewhere. Using an inside voice is something they learned young. It will also help them when they go into places like a library or the theatre.
5. The trick is sitting still
Now this one may sometimes prove a little difficult. Teaching the kids to sit still. It is hard, yes, but it can be done.
If for some reason your child finds it difficult, you can always start taking a few things to help keep them occupied while you are waiting for your food. Small electronic games (with the volume low) and crayons with colouring books are a great way to help keep them occupied.
6. Close your mouth while chewing
Nobody wants to hear mouths smacking while they are eating, so teach your children to eat with their mouths closed.
I have been in restaurants where I have actually heard kids chewing with their mouths open, it was awful. It is not really hard to teach them to chew with their mouths closed, it is more repetitive than anything else. And make sure you throw in no talking with food in your mouth with that lesson. I believe they go hand in hand.
7. Plates are there for a reason
The hardest thing to teach my children was to eat over their plates. For some reason, they always want to bring the food to their face while not moving the rest of their body. It was a mess. It could also help to teach them to place a napkin in their lap while they are eating. So that lesson actually had two things involved in it.
8. Take note of positive behaviour
When you notice your kid attempting to behave nicely at the table, make a comment. “I know it’s difficult to sit still while we eat, and I see you’re trying,” you could add.
9. Don’t overdo the compliments
Healthy praise is specific to your child’s work. Help your child understand that the goal of excellent manners is to make meals more enjoyable. “I notice how hard you are working at listening — it’s necessary to take turns talking,” for example.
10. Recognize your faults
You can also explain to your youngster that even grownups struggle with consistently good behaviour and that the goal is to do your best. If you make a mistake, turn it into a teaching moment on how to be polite by expressing and accepting apologies.
11. Make manners a habit
Be consistent when introducing a behaviour: set and reiterate clear expectations, and use gentle reminders to reinforce them. Expect to politely and frequently remind your child to say “please” and “thank you,” for example.
Consider sketching basic illustrations or using photos to create a chart with a few mealtime requirements, such as peas on the plate (not on the floor).
Mealtime rules for toddlers
Different rules are acceptable to different households. Ask yourself what’s most essential to you – though persuading your kid to stop flinging green beans on the floor could be a feat at this point.
To begin, consider teaching your toddler some fundamental rules such as:
- Practice saying “please” and “thank you” before your child begins to speak.
- Utensils should be used for eating, not bashing or hurling. If your child enjoys banging and throwing things at the table, engage in some vigorous play before settling down to eat.
- Avoid dropping, throwing, or grabbing food from other people’s plates.
- Speak in your “inner voice” rather than screaming. When toddlers believe they are not being heard, they raise their loudness and intensity. Address the feelings underlying the observed behaviour, such as “I see and hear that you’re feeling frustrated.”
- No running around.
However, there are a handful of regulations you may not want to enforce during mealtimes:
- Forget the ancient adage, “clear your plate.” Allow your child to stop eating when his stomach is full, rather than when everything in front of him has been consumed.
Instead, provide modest pieces, refill as needed, and accept his decision to stop eating, just as you would want people to respect your decision to stop eating when you’ve had enough. It is your responsibility to provide a choice of nutritious food alternatives at meal and snack times. It is up to your child to determine what and how much of each food option he or she will consume.
- Reconsider expecting toddlers (who are naturally more energetic than adults) to remain seated at the table until everyone has done eating. It could be a better idea to excuse him after he’s finished and have him play quietly nearby where you can keep an eye on him.
- Remember to model good manners. Because your toddler wants to please you and be like you, the easiest approach to teach him to behave at the table is to demonstrate how it’s done.
For example, keep conversations cheerful and avoid criticism. Your goal is to display right behaviour, but expect it to take several years of regular repetition for a toddler’s brain to form the connections needed to help him grasp and apply the manners you’re aiming for.
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How to handle misbehaviour at the table?
Ignore inappropriate behaviour
Toddlers aren’t “misbehaving,” because their developing brains are still interacting in ways that will help them learn and follow rules. For example, you might gently reaffirm the desired behaviour by stating, “Food stays on the plate.”
Consider whether your child is finished eating and should be excused or let out of the highchair. Even unfavourable reactions tend to encourage a behaviour. Discuss with your older children the necessity of avoiding reacting to their smaller sibling’s mealtime antics. You can even play a game to see who can keep their cool the longest.
Provide a reminder
A subtle reminder, such as placing the spoon in your toddler’s hand when she grabs a fistful of food, is sometimes all that is required.
Consider the positive
Be consistent in your terminology, and be sure you phrase it to stress what you want to happen rather than what you don’t want to happen. (Try stating, “Food stays on our plates,” rather than “We don’t toss food.”) If food continues to fly, serve lesser servings or designate a location on your child’s plate or tray for discarded food.
Determine the underlying issues
Your toddler’s misbehaviour or poor manners could be his or her way of connecting with you. Toddlers have insufficient verbal skills to express everything they are thinking and experiencing.
Determine the root reason for what your child is attempting to tell you. Perhaps she’s finished her food, or she’s trying to attract your attention for some one-on-one time with you. In these circumstances, it may be necessary to excuse her from the table or, at the very least, to give her a pause before returning to complete eating.
How can I train my toddler to behave in restaurants?
Eating out should be something you can do as a family. The kids will enjoy it just as much as you do, especially on family vacations.
One thing to think about when deciding to eat out with your children is to try and find kid-friendly restaurants. These places still offer a good selection on the menu for adults, but also have sensible things for the kids to eat. Let’s face it, your 3-year-old is not going to want to eat escargot.
It would also be a good idea to seat at a more secluded place. Pick the corner spot at a restaurant where your toddler won’t be too distracted by other things going on, and he won’t also disturb others if he’s having trouble regulating his emotions. However, going out in public is also a great teachable moment for a child to practise social skills and self-regulation.
There are a few things that you should start teaching your child at home before even thinking about going out. Make it a family restaurant night at home, so your child can practice their table manners.
Teaching table manners to kids at home is only half the battle. Before you go out to dine, remind your toddler of your family’s basic mealtime guidelines. Be sure that she understands that the same rules apply in restaurants.
Keep your expectations in check. Restaurants have a lot of noise, scents, and a crowded environment that can easily overwhelm toddlers. Most toddlers can only sit at the table for approximately 10 minutes at a time, so plan on having a short supper and having an adult get up with your child multiple times during the meal to move about or take a break outside.
Updates by Matt Doctor