How do I break my screen time habit? How many hours of screen time is healthy? Here’s the truth about screen time habits in the family and tips on how you can manage it effectively, from a screen time expert.
Many parents are worried about their children’s screen time in today’s digital age.
Common Sense Media reports that children aged 8 to 12 years old spend an average of five and a half hours on screen media, while 13 to 18-year-olds spend about eight and a half hours on it.
Additionally, there are growing concerns about Internet safety, social media use, and the impact of screen time on children’s overall health, according to the University of Michigan Health C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll.
However, a recent survey has found that parents themselves have a hard time regulating their own screen usage. And as most parents know, our examples matter.
The survey conducted by Common Sense Media found that most parents of teens and tweens spend more than nine hours a day on screens every day. 80% time was spent for leisure, not work. This is basically as much time as teens spend on their devices.
‘I think it tells you that [parents] are not that different than their kids’.
Here is the problem: it seems that parents have a problem with screen time, too, teens say.
Parents and Teens are Equally Addicted to their Smartphones, Study Shows
According to a study by the Pew Research Center in September 2023, almost half of teenagers believe their parents are sometimes distracted by their smartphones.
Interestingly, the study also found that about 47 per cent of parents themselves believe they spend too much time on their phones, whereas only 31 per cent think this is a regular occurrence.
Monica Anderson, the lead author of the report and the managing director of Internet and technology research at the Pew Research Center, said that these are not just issues that teenagers face but also family and parent issues.
Parents and teenagers equally report that they argue about phone use, with about four in 10 parents and teenagers saying that they sometimes argue about how much time their teenager spends on their phone.
Moreover, screen time has also led to decreased face-to-face interactions at home, which can have long-term consequences.
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Many guidelines suggest that parents set house rules on screen time limits. However, parents often fail to recognise their own screen habits, which can lead to unhealthy screen habits for the whole family. This lack of awareness can sometimes lead to arguments and frustration between parents and children. Children may not understand why they should follow the rules if their parents do not.
In some cases, parents find it difficult to follow the same rules as their children, as they need screen time for work and communication. Furthermore, a lack of communication between parents and children can lead to a disconnect in family culture, resulting in chaos and conflict.
After working with parents with kids with screen addiction, here are some steps to help parents turn their kids from being addicted to gaining back their childhood.
Meet Sarah
Before we delve into the steps, allow me to introduce Sarah. She’s a mother to two wonderful daughters, aged 8 and 5.
She already knew her daughters were glued to their devices for hours, especially the eldest, who sneaks out to play computer games at midnight. Occasionally, Sarah resorted to yelling and taking away the gadgets. Her children will cry, become aggressive, and sometimes retaliate.
Her children seem to connect better with their devices than with her. The longer they spend on it, the more they want it. Sarah thought the screen time issue would disappear as her girls grew. This bothered her, but she forwent acting on it.
It was only after she found her oldest daughter was searching for adult content online that she became desperate. She knew she needed to do something, and fast.
In our program, we guided Sarah to respond to her daughter’s screen time behaviour instead of reacting. We taught her how to build a better and healthier relationship with her daughters and create a safe space for communication and trust.
Sarah also showed her daughter to set healthy boundaries with the screen. They mutually agreed on screen use. And after some time, her daughter learned to manage well. The mother and daughter also discussed the Internet, its content, and its effect on children.
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We’re delighted to share that her children’s screen use was reduced from 12 hours daily to just 2 hours on weekdays and a maximum of 5 on Saturdays. Sundays are screen-free days.
The girls know completing their primary responsibilities is FIRST before computer games.
Now, Sarah and her daughter do not argue about screen use anymore. Sarah and her daughters have stopped arguing ever since and have been building more profound connections with her children.
The young girls would even readily set aside their screen time and prefer to spend it with the family.
In Sarah’s words,
“Jessie has rocked our world in one of the best ways in regards to screen time use. One of the best things I found working with Jessie is that I have a better connection with my daughter than before. I hope to keep her as long as my children use the gadgets”.
This clearly shows that when you switch from controlling and limiting screen time to nurturing good screen habits, positive transformation happens, and your child knows how to use the screen/Internet responsibly and stay safe online. You build a better relationship with them, and they can come to you to talk about anything without fear of being judged.
5 Steps to Effectively Manage Screentime at Home
Managing screen time in the family can be challenging, but it is necessary for maintaining a healthy and balanced lifestyle.
Here are some steps you can take to effectively manage screen time in the family:
1. Assess your own screen habits
Take a look at your own screen habits and determine whether they are promoting healthy screen habits. Setting boundaries is important in all aspects of life, such as wealth, health, and relationships. For example, just as we need to set boundaries with our food to maintain good health, we need to set boundaries with screens as well.
2. Model healthy screen habits.
After setting the boundaries with the screen, you need to apply them to yourself first. This will enable you to self-regulate and show healthier screen habits to model to your children.
3. Have conversations with your child about screen use.
Have an open conversation with your children about screen use in the family. This will help them understand the importance of setting boundaries with screens and work on following the agreed-upon rules.
4. Guide children to set boundaries with screens.
Help their children set their boundaries with screens, and come to an agreement on screen use. Apart from just focusing on time, you should also discuss the content children consume and Internet safety.
5. Be patient and respond calmly.
No matter how well you have set the boundaries and agreement on the family screen use, sometimes kids are unable to follow through.
It is normal.
Avoid reacting and instead respond calmly to your children’s misbehaviour and guide them back to the family and the agreement on screen use.
Wrapping up, managing screentime at home doesn’t have to be a battle. By following these five simple steps, you can create a balance that works for everyone in the family. Be patient, stay positive, and don’t forget to lead by example. With a bit of teamwork and understanding, you can make screentime something that adds value to your family life, rather than taking away from it.
Image Source: iStock
Jessie Liew is the founder of Digital Parenting Coaching and a mother of 4. Her previous career included working as a cybersecurity specialist, where she protected clients from the harmful effects caused by online hackers and predators. In her spare time, Jessie enjoys reading, playing games, and adventures.
If you would like to learn more about Jessie and her work, please visit her website at https://www.neverfightwithyourkids.com/.
You can also find her on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn as Jessie Liew SP.
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