"My Child, Please Forgive Me for Being Angry and Shouting at You…”

It’s natural for parents to feel guilty when they cannot control their emotions and scold their children. It was this sort of guilt a dad, full of regret for lashing out at his first-born, expresses below. Scolding a child effects are numerous, and more often than not, can affect him or her for life. 

Do you still remember the last time you scolded your child, parents? Do you remember how your little one responded when you were angry with them? They probably cried. Or sulked. But most certainly, a scolding will not elicit positive or happy emotions in a child.  

Scolding a child effects… everyone hurts

But it’s easier said than done. Being a parent is tough. We are only human after all and our children do push our buttons often. 

There could be a million reasons why you don’t end up managing emotions, which ultimately results in scolding your kids. It could begin with being unable to tolerate your child’s behaviour, or maybe it’s because you really are stressed out.

But it’s important to remember that when your emotions explode in front of a child, they might remember the incident as they grow up into adulthood. Not only that, the instant you let your emotions overflow, more often than not it eventually leads to regret.

An Indonesian father named Fitrah Ilhami also felt this form of regret. On his Facebook page, he shared his emotions, which resonated with many Netizen parents. 

Here’s his heartfelt post…

My Eldest child, the one is willing to share his Love

There are times when my wife and I run out of patience trying to care for our kids. Like last night, when my eldest child refused to sleep until 11pm. Whereas this body of mine is already exhausted. I’ve been working all day long and need to rest soon because I have to travel far to a wedding the next day.  Not to mention my wife, who has stayed up late for the past three days while waiting for water, which would only flow after 12 midnight. As a matter of fact, on day three we had to head to our parents’ house because the water never came, making it impossible to shower and do our laundry. We had to wake up at dawn, pray and continue to take care of our two children. Not to mention the additional work of mopping the floors due to the rainwater that poured in through leaks in the roof.  We are tired, and we want to rest.

However…

It was as if our eldest wanted to test our patience when I was tired like that. He asked for something. At first he asked for milk. Once the milk has been finished, he needed to pee. I thought he would sleep after peeing. In reality he didn’t, instead he was digging out all the toys in the living room. It hasn’t been a few minutes, and he returned to the room, shouting loudly, “I need to pee!” I got up, and accompanied him to the bathroom to pee again. My wife was busy taking care of the little one who always wakes up when his brother speaks loudly. After peeing, I carried him back to the room, while trying to make him sleep. But once again, just as his little brother was about to fall asleep, the older brother began screaming for milk. Of course, his shouting made our little one wake up again and cry. “Why don’t you sleep outside, Ayas. Your younger brother keeps on waking up. Don’t scream please,” my wife was becoming impatient. “Nen.” He asked for milk. “Later. Wait for little your brother to fall asleep first. Mum’s feeling dizzy, it’s hard to even catch a short break.” I got up again and made milk for the eldest child. “This is the last time, alright? You have to get back to sleep after this,” I said to my eldest child, while offering him his milk bottle.

But the son’s cries did not stop.

I prepared to rest. However, five minutes later, before really falling asleep, I heard my eldest child shouting again, “A lizaaard! Mum, Lizaaaaard!” Hearing that voice, my little one immediately woke up and cried. My wife immediately got up, annoyed, and then brought the eldest brother out of the room. I followed from behind.  “You just sleep on the bed. Your little brother can’t sleep at all because you couldn’t keep quiet.” My wife was really upset. I can understand that she must be very tired. After being scolded by his mum, I saw his tears well. His lips trembled. He sees me – he wants to complain. Due to exhaustion, instead of defending him, I joined in and scolded my eldest son.  “We’ve already told you to sleep, so just sleep. So noisy. Your younger brother keeps on waking up because he hears you make noise. We’ve already made you the milk, already brought you to pee. What else do you want?” My eldest son’s tears were pooling up in his eyes. He pointed to the room, then said in a trembling voice, “Dad, there’s a lizard. A lizard on the wall, a lizard on the wall.” 

 It was only then that I realised…

It turned out that my eldest son only wanted to tell us that there was a lizard in the room before. And that’s his usual habit. Whenever he sees a lizard, he point it to us, and then sings a song called “lizard on the wall”. After that we usually kiss him while saying, “Wow, Mr Ayas is just getting smarter and smarter! Let’s count and see – how many lizards are there? “ He would then begin counting. “Wan, two, free.” I realised he just wanted to play this little game of his. But because we were so exhausted, we were unaware of that and were too focussed on our emotions, instead. I immediately hugged my eldest son, and then cuddled him. He was crying on my shoulder.  “Papa, lizard. There’s a lizard on the wall, a lizard on the wall,…” he sang as tears streamed down his face. I stroke his soft hair. “Yup. Very smart of you. Was there a lizard? Shall we try and count how many lizards there are?” I carried him back to the room. He stared at the bedroom ceiling. “Wan, fhwo…” “Yay! There are two!” I said. “Let’s go sleep.” “Ok.” I laid him back on the bed. I gently rubbed his back. He fell asleep. 

Looking back, the father regrets ever snapping at his eldest son

Oh dear Lord, how foolish I have been towards my eldest son. At this age he should actually receive our full attention, yet instead he has to share his affection with his sibling. He’s at an age where he’s supposed to freely spoil himself. Instead, he willingly forces himself understand our situation. Even though, in actuality,  we should be the ones who should understand his emotion.  Oh, how much he truly deserves our extra attention. My wife always says that every afternoon Ayas asks her where I am.

“Where’s dad?” “Working” answered my wife. “Oh, work.” “What’s he looking for while working?” My wife smiled. “Money…” As afternoon approaches, if he hears the sound of a motorcycle, Ayas immediately dashes out of the house. But if he doesn’t see me, he will return into the house, while telling his mum, “He’s not there. Dad’s not there.” And when I do return home, this child is always the first to welcome me with a sweet smile. Then, as usual, will say,”Horsey-ride. Horsey-ride.” He’s asking me for a piggyback ride. I understood, and immediately bend over. Then, he climbs on my back.

Regret eventually surfaces because he scolded his child.

Ah, my child. I kissed my eldest son’s cheek. “I’m sorry,” I say, full of regret. “Yeah, I’m sorry too,” answered my eldest son, softly. “Dad is sorry. Not you.” “Ok.” After my wife finished tucking in my youngest child, she immediately got up, and hugged my eldest son. “Mum is sorry, too, ok son.” My wife kisses him. “Yeah, I’m sorry.” Not long after, Ayas fell asleep. Oh God, I also offer my apologies to you, because I haven’t been able to take care of your most beautiful gift properly.

***

Malang, 04 March 2018
Fitrah Ilhami 

A lesson to all parents on scolding a child effects 

Mr. Ilhami’s heartfelt post certainly resonates with us. It reminds us of scolding a child effects that we may not even be aware of. We are also reminded that our little ones have emotions and feelings too, but that sometimes, we ignore these. 

Through this status, we can definitely learn together how to better understand our children and manage our emotions.

That way, there won’t be any need to feel sorry for being angry with the child in the future. 

This article was translated by Kevin Wijaya Oey and republished with the permission of theAsianparent Indonesia. 

Also Read:

10 mistakes you make that will turn your kid into a monstrous brat

If you don’t want your kids to be ill mannered, stop doing these 5 things

“Did mummy scold you? Don’t cry, I will just go and scold her!”