Cheaters don’t deserve a second chance, but if you really want to be with them, should you take them back? New studies suggest that you shouldn’t.
Published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, the study surveyed people in long-term relationships about their history of infidelity.
“Among people who had been unfaithful in former relationships, 30 percent cheated on their current partners,” said a Men’s Health article. “That’s compared to only 13 percent of those who had never cheated on previous partners.”
This pattern isn’t exclusive to men; it also holds true for women. The researchers called it the “threshold effect.”
“Once you cheat, committing infidelity again can seem like less big of a deal,” says study coauthor Frank Dattilio, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist based in Allentown, Pa.
But the study also said not to discredit cheaters. Some cheaters can change their cheating ways.
According to the study, 70% of those who had before strayed from their significant other managed to remain in faithful and committed relationship.
Many will find it hard to trust their partner again after they’ve cheated, and it’s understandable to feel that way.
So how will you be bale to find out whether or not a former cheater can be trusted? According to Frank Dattilio, you should bring up the topic of cheating with them.
“If your partner brushes it off and acts like you have no right to be concerned about it, you may have reason to worry,” he says. “That’s a sign that your partner doesn’t really value faithfulness.”
However, if your partner comes clean about his past at the outset, acknowledges that what they had done was wrong, and seems genuinely torn up about it—then it’s a sign that they take cheating seriously.
If that’s the case, then you have good reason to trust again, he says.
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