"My Child Loves to Play Rough. What Should I Do?" Science Proves Benefits of Rough Play for Children, Experts Say

Mums instantly know when their kids are engaging in rough play the instant they hear sudden shrieks and yells that fill up their home. So, their sense of hearing is the first sense awakened. Next to that is the visual. Kids are throwing their toys in the air, boys are jumping, shooting arrows off of bows or darts out of nerf guns, while the girls are running amok, shrieking at the top of their lungs. 

Looking at this scene, mum’s initial reaction is always to tell the kids to stop and fix their mess. Then, we proceed to talk to them about avoiding playing so rough. And, so on and so forth. With that little discussion, our thinking is that our kids will stop. Nope. That’s not the case. In the next hours or so, we will find ourselves sitting them down again to stop playing rough. 

This cycle of reprimanding came from the age-old perspective that rough play encourages violent and erratic behaviour. However, according to some experts, that is no longer the case. And, dismissing such behaviour is even highly discouraged. 

We will talk about rough play in depth in this article. So, if you want to know why experts are encouraging it rather than dismissing it and more, keep on reading.

So Your Kids Play Rough

As mentioned earlier, parents tend to think rough play encourages violent behaviour. And, we can understand how one can come to that conclusion. If you start seeing your child ripping the heads off of their dolls, you would be worried. First, you wonder where they got that idea from. Second, you wonder what it means.

But, according to experts, rough play is not aggressive or violent. In fact, encouraging it is going to be more advantageous for your kids. Studies about it have enough data to prove this claim. So, let’s tackle them one by one:

• It teaches social skills

This fact is true whatever kind of activity your child is engaged in with other kids. But, more so with rough play, because it’s playing with kids who have the same wavelength.

We are sure our kids cherish playing with us too as their parents, but we cannot deny how much more they enjoy playing with other kids. And, as they engage with other kids, they learn to communicate about boundaries, rules, strategies, and whatnot. They also learn to read body language and respond in a proper manner.

• It develops their self-restraint

It’s one thing to know the rules of a game and a completely another thing when you start practising them. And, there is no other kind of activity where children are forced to practice self-restraint more than in rough play. It takes massive self-control for a kid to avoid hurting another kid.

They get to practice controlling their emotions as well. If you tell them that getting mad in a game can cause them to hurt other kids, they’re going to try their best not to get mad. So, allowing rough play will help them gain more control of their bodies as well as their emotions. 

• Rough play encourages physical activity

Because the activity is so physical, rough play can also help them become more physically fit. With Singapore seeing a rise in obesity rates, getting more exercise in our kids’ daily routines can turn that around. You can also imagine the impact of your child’s physical health on their overall health. So, if playing rough can lead to such outcomes, why prohibit it?

• It adds to their happiness

If the improved social skills, self-control, and physical health that kids can get are not convincing you, their improved happiness should. You are building their childhood here. And, if you set aside your worries about possible violent behaviour and just watch them play, you will see how beautiful it is to see them happy.

There’s a Right Way to Rough Play

Rough play involves a lot of physical activity, which we know can lead to many accidents later. So, you want to avoid that to ensure you are reaping its benefits to the fullest. Here are tips you can try to make it safer.

• Join Them

Do you know what the perfect response is to rough play? Join them. Joining your kids shows them that there is nothing wrong with this kind of activity. You get to show them that everyone has aggressive impulses. And, the most important of all reasons to join them is to channel their aggressive impulses into symbolic play.

An example would be if you are there while your child is ripping the heads of their toys, you can come in and say: “Oh no! I am the doctor. I will put your head back together, so you can be well again.” 

• Discuss Boundaries

Before you let them play, help them establish rules and set boundaries. No hitting or throwing sand on each other’s faces. You can also teach your kids how to say “No” or “Stop” if the other kids they are playing with are pushing the boundaries you set. In that way, rough play is controlled and doesn’t lead to accidents or aggression.

• Be a Fair Referee

If you are around when your kids are engaged in rough play, you ought to be a fair referee. That means you stop a kid who is trying to overpower your kid, and you also stop your kid if they are the one overpowering another.

Don’t Prohibit Rough Play

Rough play is not indicative that your children will someday become a bully or worse a criminal. Do you know what will propel your kid to that path? If you prohibit them.

Why does that happen? Because the moment you prohibit them, they think either of these two things: My mum thinks I’m bad because I like to play like this or My parent, who I thought knows everything and understands me, actually doesn’t.

And, so when they think they are a bad kid or that you don’t understand them, their move is to hide this “guilty pleasure” of activity from you. Their desire for rough play continues and can even spiral into seemingly more wicked things.

So, do we prohibit our kids from playing rough? No.

There’s a Difference Between Rough Play and Aggression

So, what you want to avoid is playing rough to progress into aggression. But, how do you tell them apart? Rough play usually involves these activities:

• wrestling
• pushing and shoving
• tickling
• pillow fighting
• chasing
• climbing
• rolling and tumbling
• jumping on the bed
• piggyback rides

So, how do you tell this apart from aggression? The clearest sign is when you notice laughs turn into crying. When someone in the group becomes more dominant than the rest and some of the kids no longer seem to desire to play, that’s how you know.

And, this is where you come in. Rough play has to be consensual. Everyone engaged has to be on the same page about the rules and boundaries. The moment those rules are disregarded and boundaries are ignored, you have to step in.

So, the message is clear: when your kids start engaging in rough play. Don’t stop them. Instead, you join them. Then, watch how they develop their social skills, self-control, and physical health, while also learning to respect boundaries.

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