Trying to raise a resilient kid? If you’ve been trying and have been struggling, don’t worry, mum. You’re not alone. It’s you and just about every other millennial parent in the world.
Everyone knows the world today is not as “advanced” as we all thought it would be. There is a bully and a half on every corner, and what’s worse is they’re not just lurking on dark street corners but in every corner of the virtual world.
Health problems are also everywhere. Never mind COVID. What about the million other ailments kids are prone to getting? To top that off, our kids are entering the worst state of the world ever. High rates of poverty, inflation, environmental issues, capitalism, and many more.
As much as we want to protect them from all the pain and stress that this world will cause them, we can only do so much. And that much that we can do is to teach them how to be resilient.
What is Resilience
Resilience is the ability to manage both success and failure with grace. When taught properly, resilience can help our children face life’s setbacks without feeling overwhelmed. Instead, they will bounce back and carry on facing every other challenge that comes their way.
But, how exactly do we do that? What must we do in order to teach our kids resilience? Read on to learn more.
Benefits of Teaching Resilience
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Children become natural problem-solvers
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They are more likely to learn more skills
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They become emotionally intelligent
Ways to Build Resilience in Kids
- Encourage Them to Solve Problems
When your child is facing a problem, avoid the urge to jump in and help immediately. Instead, encourage them to explore ways of solving the issue. For example, if she is disappointed that her teacher didn’t pick her to help carry some books, resist the urge to call the teacher’s attention and request for your child to have a role.
Stepping in is for sure the easiest thing to do, but there is a time and place to do so. And it is often later than what your parental instincts tell you. This is especially true as your child gets older.
Encourage your child to find ways to not be disappointed next time. With a bit of coaching, it won’t take your child too long before they realise that they have the option to volunteer help to their teacher. On her own, she will learn that she has the power to change the outcome of events in her life.
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Coach Valuable Life Skills
Raising resilient children includes helping them work through areas in which they might be weak or challenged. For instance, if your child is too shy to make friends, teach her how to greet a person and strike up a polite conversation.
If that’s too much for your child, you can start with something very simple, such as going to a restaurant and asking the waiter for what they want. You can guide your child about what to say and how to say them. But, eventually, you’re going to have to make them do such skills on their own.
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Don’t Intimidate
Raising resilient children means teaching them to deal with problems – telling them about the real deal about the real world. But, parents, remember not to be all doom and gloom! Don’t use dire outcomes as a warning. It will only scare them.
Instead of employing ineffective terror tactics, use all situations as opportunities for learning something positive. The American Psychological Association emphasises the importance of a positive self-view.
“Help your child remember ways that he or she has successfully handled hardships in the past,” they recommend, “and then help him understand that these past challenges help him build the strength to handle future challenges.”
So even if your child fails at an attempt to do something, she will naturally learn that every cloud has a silver lining.
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Help Them Manage Emotions
Raising resilient children doesn’t mean that they need to be made of stone. Children should be allowed to get mad, frustrated or sad if they feel like it. Recognising such emotions though is only one part of the whole process. Next, you’d have to teach them how to manage their emotions is a must.
If your child is disappointed in losing a game and sulks, tell her that you understand her feelings. However, teach her that moping around doesn’t improve anything. Moving on and getting back to practice does!
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Allow Mistakes
As parents, we hate to see our children fail and make mistakes. However, raising resilient children means that they must be allowed to make mistakes – provided that they learn from them.
If your child didn’t study for an exam and got a failing grade, ask her what she’s going to do to prevent it from happening again. Let her find a solution to avoid unwanted results in the future. These lessons that your children learn for themselves are far more valuable than any nagging or lecturing from you.
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Be a Model of Resiliency
Raising resilient children means being resilient yourself. Why? Because they look up to you. To them, you are the embodiment of everything good and right. And, if you show them how resilient you are, they want to follow suit.
Show your children that you will never give up on anything, even through hard times. If the family stumbles upon a problem, make it a habit to find a brighter side and say “We can get through this.”
And, that’s how you raise resilient children. Of course, every child is different. So, feel free to try any of these tips or all of them. You will know you have succeeded if someday your kids grow up and you feel no fear in your heart that your kids are going to be fine, wherever you may be. Share your tips with us.
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Updates from Kim Brua
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