Relationship expert Harry Benson shares that he learned his lesson the hard way when he and his wife were struggling about their marriage.
“I feel lonely and unimportant. I’m not sure how long I can go on like this”
Harry shares his first-hand experience about how, 8 years into their marriage, his wife told him that she was unhappy,
“You know I love you, Harry,” his wife tells him. “But since we’ve had the children, I’ve found it harder and harder to talk to you. We have a comfortable life and you’re wonderful with the children when it suits you. But you don’t seem at all interested in me. We don’t seem to be friends any more. I feel lonely and unimportant. I’m not sure how long I can go on like this.”
He adds, “Everyone accepts that good marriages can go bad. But it was never going to happen to us, was it? Yet insidiously we’d grown apart and, without knowing it, were drifting toward a break-up.”
That’s when Harry decided to put his wife first in their relationship. And surprisingly, he was able to salvage their marriage.
“Happy wife, happy life”
According to Harry, he and his wife, Kate, did a survey of 300 mothers for their latest book, entitled “What Mums Want (And Dads Need to Know).”
They found out that majority of the mothers said that friendship, being ‘interested in me’ and ‘interested in the children’, and ‘being kind’ are the most important characteristics that they value in their spouse.
Interestingly, what came last was ‘fixing things, ‘earning a decent wage’, and ‘being adventurous, strong, and sexy’.
Harry adds that when the mother is happy, the entire family subsequently becomes happy. That’s why he always considers his wife and family’s happiness first before everything else, since he knows that if his wife is happy, everything will fall into place.
He shares, “Like Kate, most women want friendship more than anything from their husbands. That’s it. It’s not about being a doormat. I learned to really love Kate and she loved me back. That’s what mums want. And that’s what dads need to know. It’s a disarmingly simple formula, but it is the key to a happy and enduring marriage.”