For sex to be enjoyable, it should be satisfying for both partners. It should also involve contact and physical intimacy that's both comfortable and consensual.
"I think when it comes to sex, nothing is duty-- everything should be consensual," agrees mom Dazzle on the Q&A app and forum theAsianparent Community. So why is it that some women are still hesitant to tell their husbands what they truly want in the bedroom, including the fact that they don't enjoy performing oral sex? Perhaps it is so they won't hurt their husband's feelings or bruise his ego. It could also simply be that they don't like talking about sex in general.
Here's some reasons why oral sex isn't enjoyable for some women, according to social Psychologist and sex researcher Dr. Petra Boyton.
- As a child, they were taught that oral sex is unnatural or wrong
- Genitals are viewed as dirty or gross
- Past sexual partners have criticized your genitals or ability to perfrom oral sex
- They don't feel fully confident about their body
- It does nothing for them physically. They derive no pleasure from it.
All of these fears and reasons are valid. You should never feel duty-bound to performing sexual acts you dislike or don't enjoy. It doesn't make you selfish or a bad spouse.
How do you tell your husband you don't want to perform oral sex?
Just be honest. A good husband will never force you to do anything in the bedroom against your will. They know that No means No, even in marriage.
Reassure them that it is not because of anything the did or didn't do; it has nothing to do with their body or other aspects of sex. It's just that you just prefer not to engage in this sexual activity because you derive no pleasure in giving (or in some cases, receiving) oral sex.
Sexual intimacy deepens in meaning when you commit to communicating and being open with your partner. Love means never forcing your partner into doing anything against their will just because it gives you pleasure.
*Republished with permission from theAsianparent Philippines