Childbirth doesn’t necessarily sound like the best source of comedy. After all, it’s one of the most beautiful (and painful) things a woman can experience. Obviously, we would never laugh at a mother giving birth, but these women shared some of their most embarrassing and hilarious stories about childbirth and we can’t help but laugh with them!
When Cosmopolitan asked these 12 mothers about their most embarrassing childbirth stories, here’s what they had to say:
1. “I totally farted on my OB while she was sewing me up. So embarrassing!” –Rebecca, 32
2. “I was too shaky to make it to the bathroom after my daughter’s birth but had to pee sooooo badly, so they brought me one of those old people commode chairs. My husband took a picture of me on it. He thinks it’s hilarious!” –Kara, 27
3. “I’m a bit of a shy Sally, but a body does whatever a body needs to do, and I found myself in my worst nightmare: on my elbows and knees (booty in the air), pantsless, AND vomiting. It felt good at the time and progressed the labour, but now I hate thinking of it. Oh, the things we do for our kids.” –Grace, 29
4. “I was labouring for a long LONG time, so I had absolutely no control over anything. After days of hard contractions (and no bowel movements), I became keenly aware of the need to #2 … or so I thought. My midwife told me it was time to start pushing and I said,‘But I HAVE to poop.’ She kept telling me the baby was coming, and I continued to say it. When I started pushing, I yelled out SUPER loudly, ‘BUT I HAVE TO POOOOOOOP!!!’ in a really long, strained sentence. I know everyone heard me, and it was so embarrassing. I apologised profusely to everyone after my son was born.”-Angelina, 21
5. “My husband’s fraternity brothers were all there as I was wheeled out of the operating room after my C-section. I was so delirious from the morphine that I whipped my boob out to nurse him right in front of the fraternity boys. My husband quickly suggested they all get a snack at the cafeteria while I finished feeding my son.” -Rachel, 24
6. “I always assumed that when one’s water breaks, it is pretty much a one and done situation, so I wasn’t concerned after my water broke at 7 a.m. Hours later at the hospital, my nurse was helping me get off the bed to go walk the halls and the effort of hoisting my 41-week pregnant self caused a flood of water to release. Ina big splash. On my nurse’s feet.“ -Kamee, 27
7. “Getting my epidural while birthing my second baby, I randomly started sobbing for no reason and was so out of control the nurse had to run the mental capabilities test on me. ‘What is your name? What is today? Are you aware of what is happening?’ All while snot was running down my face.” -Jessica, 32
8. “While I was getting stitched up after my C-section with my first child, my main nurse during labour and delivery walked over to me as I was still strapped in they sewed me back up and proceeded to tell me, ‘During the procedure, some of your blood squirted into my eye, so we had to test your blood. We just got the labs back in, and good news! You don’t have any STDs or infectious diseases!’ Even though it wasn’t my fault, it still felt pretty embarrassing.” -Amanda, 30
9. “After pushing my son out, they placed him on my chest and my mother-in-law burst in, because she heard crying. My legs were still in stirrups with my bloody, broken vagina on display. I guess she couldn’t hold back her excitement, but I was so embarrassed.”-Sylvie, 27
10. “I had a water birth and remember being terrified about the whole poop situation. My midwife told me it wasn’t a big deal and that I had other more important things to focus on. I tried to take her advice, until midway through labor I saw her walk over, ever so discreetly, to the tub with a goldfish net in hand. She scooped up an errant floater out of the tub that I had been completely unaware of. I totally cried.” -Rose, 32
11. “I had been in labour for 30 hours (14 more to go) and had my epidural, so I was totally numb. I had a fever, so they gave me Tylenol. I can’t remember why, but they decided not to have me take it orally, but instead the poor nurse had to give it to me in the rectum.” –Nelly, 24
12. “This was an embarrassing moment that was narrowly avoided. My friends like to tease me for being a never-nude. I’m super modest and refused to be naked during my home birth. At the very end of my labour, my contractions stalled. I had already pushed my son’s head out, but he was stuck, and I wasn’t having any more contractions. They needed to get him out quickly and recruited my husband to come over and do nipple stimulation to try to coax a contraction out of me. Apparently, I’m so modest that my body decided, ‘Hell no! That’s not happening in front of all these people,’ and my baby came out in a huge push moments later. Thank goodness!” -Laura, 31
READ: 7 Funny things people say when you’re pregnant
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