Mothers-in-law have had a long history of disagreement and conflict with their daughters-in-law, and there are a plethora of reasons for it.
But if you’re a daughter-in-law, there are certain things that your mother-in-law should never do to you, whatever their intentions may be. Here are 10 of them, based on Amberlee Lovell’s Family Share article.
1. A mother-in-law should never correct your parenting
There’s a reason why you are the parent of your children and not her. She may disagree with your methods, but she has to know that you are responsible for your children, first and foremost.
2. A mother-in-law should never criticise you to her son
A marriage is between two people, and a mother-in-law has no part in it. Passing gossip to her son about you only harms your marriage. Instead of pointing out your criticism, she should instead find something good about you and cultivate it instead.
3. A mother-in-law should never tell you, “why don’t you try it this way?”
A mother-in-law should let their daughter-in-law make mistakes of their own. After all, the best way to learn is through experience.
4. A mother-in-law should never resent the time your family spends with her
Amberlee says: “Naturally [a mother-in-law wants] to spend time with [her] family, but it's never appropriate to throw a fit, guilt trip or whine about the time [her] son spends with [you].”
5. A mother-in-law should never expect her son to put her first
Her son has a family now, and they will be on top of his priority list. She may find offense that she is no longer the no. 1 woman in your husband’s life, but she should learn to live with this fact.
She should also never make her son choose between her and you. Never.
6. A mother-in-law should never give you a cold shoulder
She should respect her son’s choice of wife. She may not agree with it, but at the end of the day, it is HIS decision. Treating you in a horrible way will only damage her relationship with her son.
7. A mother-in-law should never guilt trip when you skip on events
Amberlee’s message to mothers-in-law is this: “Making your son feel guilty for not making it to an event won't make him want to come in the future. It will make him (and his wife) want to withdraw even more.”
8. A mother-in-law should never insist that you live closer
She should never make this decision for you. It’s understandable that a mother-in-law wants you and your family to live closer, but she should understand that your family have your own lives to live.
9. A mother-in-law should never expect you to visit her but not the other way around
Both parties must be willing to visit each other. A mother-in-law shouldn’t just expect her daughter-in-law to make an effort to visit without exerting the same effort on her part.
10. A mother-in-law should never tell you she’s coming over without asking first
They couldn’t simply appear at your doorstep and expect to be welcomed. If she intends to visit, she should ask you first, not just mention it in passing. This is especially important if the current household situation isn’t ideal for visitors.