Before we get started, let’s make one thing clear: this isn’t just another attempt to find a one-size-fits-all solution to all of (or some of) the marital issues you’ve been facing.
It is, however, a tried and true method and strategy that each and every happily married couple I’ve ever encountered utilises. How do I know? because I’m not alone in thinking so.
In a recent post to Pop Sugar, assistant editor Macy Williams shared the be all end all thing that happy couples do everyday. To find the true key to a successful marriage, Williams asked a number of couples why their relationships worked. As she reports, they had a myriad of answers to that question, but amazingly they all had one thing in common: they talk to their significant others.
WAIT!!! Don’t roll your eyes and dismiss this article as nonsense. Because it’s more specific and complicated than you think.
The key to being happily married isn’t just about talking to each other. It’s about really talking to each other. Confused? Let me elaborate…
You see, the key to a happy marriage is communication, but there’s more to it than that. In order to keep your relationship healthy and happy, there’s three things you need to do to communicate successfully. As Williams suggests, communication can be broken down into three steps:
1. Express your needs and feelings
“There’s no way for your partner to know what you want out of your relationship if you don’t say so,” says Williams. “Make sure to clearly express how you are feeling — whether that be happy or upset — so that you and your partner are on the same page. Your significant other is not a mind reader, so it’s up to you. You may learn something new about each other.”
In other words, your partner may know you like the back of their hand, but that doesn’t mean they’re mind readers! If you have something on your mind, try to express it calmly and cooly. Communicate and talk through your problems and don’t be afraid to put your feelings out in the open.
2. Be totally honest
“The moment you start lying is the moment things go wrong. If you can’t be honest with the person you love, who can you be honest with? Go beyond being open about the dynamic of your relationship; talk about a bad day at work or a friend who hurt your feelings. The more experiences you share, the closer you will become,” suggests Williams.
When you said your vows to your partner, you agreed to some pretty important implied values. Of those implied values: the truth needs to be on the table at all times. Your spouse isn’t just the father/mother of your child, nor is he/she just your eternal love interest. They’re your partner in crime and you need to open and truthful about everything if you want to establish true happiness and a genuine sense of trust.
3. Don’t just speak — make sure to listen
“There are two people in a relationship. Your partner should be communicating with you too,” claims Williams. “Be a good listener and make sure to take in everything your SO is saying. You are not perfect, so if you have to make some adjustments for your relationship work, be open-minded.”
Yes, husbands and wives. That means no matter what mood you’re in, whenever your partner is ready to talk, you need to lend a listening ear. It’s a bit cliche to say this and mean it but…don’t just hear what they have to say, LISTEN to what they have to say! They’re opening up to you about important topics and you owe it to them (and your marriage) to let them know you value what they have to say.
Check out more helpful ways you can improve communication in your relationship! View this informative video to learn more!