There’s a traditional saying that goes “a marriage without both partner’s family approval will result in marriage failure.”
However, I would like to prove this statement wrong as mine turned out well.
It All Started During Our Wedding Preparations
I knew my husband for 11 years. During the earlier parts of our relationship, we had plans for marriage. However, we didn’t expect to execute it earlier than planned because of my pregnancy.
After knowing that I was pregnant, we decided to inform both of our parents about this, wanting to discuss our marriage plans with them.
Initially, things turned out fine as both of our families were okay with our marriage plans. I moved into my fiancé’s family first as it’s more convenient for him to take care of me. Unfortunately, his dad wasn’t very welcoming.
Cruel Jokes Were Thrown at Us
I was upset about the joke he made about my marriage to his son. For a Chinese wedding, there will be traditions and practices such as the betrothal, invitations, etc. My family requested betrothal gifts (red packet, wine, oranges, and invitation cakes). His dad joked that he could recycle his daughter’s leftover birthday cakes for our invitation cakes.
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As for the red packet money, he could give us the monopoly deal game currency. Moreover, he jokingly planned to gift the wine stored in his wardrobe that he previously bought for himself. I was honestly appalled at the things he said and I cried for almost an entire day. I felt stupid like am I a joke or what?
At that time, my fiancé brought this matter up to his dad but he wasn’t apologetic. Instead, he asked my husband to handle my emotions by himself. Meanwhile, I didn’t approach his dad to clarify things. Due to this incident, they did not have a good impression of me.
The Toxic Family Treatment I Experienced During My Pregnancy
My parents were aware of what had happened. At that point, I was already 5 months pregnant.
In my mind, I was thinking, “Is it wrong to let my parents know that I cried ?”
My emotions were like a rollercoaster ride. Because of this, I struggled to bring it up again to his dad. It’s not like wasn’t aware of his actions.
Moreover, he knew that I was offended by his joke; yet he said nothing to me. I stayed with them for less than two weeks. During that time, several unfortunate events happened.
The Strawberry Milk Incident
There was one time when my husband got me strawberry milk due to my ongoing pregnancy cravings. After just a few days, he returned home only to realise that the strawberry milk was almost finished. I barely had enough to drink. He assumed it was his step-sister who drank it because she also likes strawberry milk.
Hence, he texted his step-sister to ask me next time before drinking it. When he did this, he only wanted to know if there is enough strawberry milk at home. In truth, he only wanted to replace it with a new one before we finish the milk.
Unfortunately, this caused miscommunications at home. His dad and step-mum eventually learned of what happened. They got so frustrated and the dad started screaming at him during a phone call. He also sent nasty comments in our WhatsApp group chat. He sounded very aggressive to me; it seemed like he was threatening us.
He said things like, “You all don’t go overboard ah, you all don’t know what I can do.” They also sent messages like, “Nobody will dare to drink or eat whatever things you guys brought back. Who will dare?”
I Told My Family About Their Toxic Behaviour
I told my family about their toxic and passive-aggressive comments. In turn, they told me to return home; they don’t want the stress to affect me and my baby. Because of this, I decided to move out of my in-law’s home.
My husband’s parents got so frustrated and asked a close friend to come and talk to us. They claimed we disregarded their feelings by moving out. To make matters worse, they asked us to wait for them. It was already 3 am by that time. Can you imagine how sleep-deprived we were?
Moreover, the talk didn’t end up well. There used abusive language, violence, and screams against us. I didn’t get hit but my husband did after he spoke up for me.
Meanwhile, my husband’s step-mom yelled and berated me. She claimed I wasn’t fit to be a mum. Afterwards, the dad loudly told his friend that I should get an abortion if I’m in an unhappy relationship with them. I felt worse when my father-in-law slammed a beer bottle on the table.
He said nasty comments like, “I do what I like to do I can even throw the beer bottle.”
This made me feel devastated; I truly hoped the argument ended sooner. When it finally did, we planned to secretly move out at the break of dawn. We waited until my father-in-law left the house while his wife slept.
Moving Out in Secret
We waited because didn’t want them to prevent us from leaving. My husband and I also agreed that we do not want to stay with his family. We didn’t want our child to live with a family that influence toxic behaviour.
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Moreover, I didn’t want my child near their cigarette smoke and get influenced by their violence. These are some of the reasons why I hesitated to live with them from the start.
We Got Married After We Left
In the end. we proceeded with our marriage. My family’s relatives and friends supported us. I had a tough journey during my pregnancy. Feelings of anger, hatred, and sadness filled my head. I had so many negative feelings back then.
Thankfully, my husband, my family, and my friends kept supporting me. My husband also assured me that those things won’t happen again. We endured sleepless nights together. I usually woke up in the middle of the night to cry about what happened.
On the other hand, my parents worried over me as well. My mum took a leave at work to check up on me at home.
Pregnant women with her husband feeling happy, father is touching to the baby in mother’s womb.
Looking Back on Our Decision to Leave That Toxic Family
What they did was tremendously horrible. I hope that we humans learn how to treat one another with respect despite our age and status. Being a parent does not give them authority over anybody especially their children or future in-laws.
I don’t believe in the saying, “I’m older than you, hence you have to bow down to me.”
Despite the time that passed, I still suffer from nightmares of them. My husband is trying his best to help me recover from the traumatic experience.
All in all, I have been looking forward to our baby’s arrival and here he is! He is our healthy and precious baby. God has created him beautifully and we are still learning to be good parents to our son.
Recently my dad asked me, “Why didn’t you let us report to the police that day?” My answer was “God knows and I don’t want to have anything to do with them anymore. I am truly [content] with my husband and our son.”
DISCLAIMER: This article was prepared or submitted by a content contributor. The opinions expressed in this article are based on the author’s view. They do not directly reflect the views of theAsianparent and its affiliates.