Even if you spend decades with someone, can you say for sure that you truly know them? Life brings about many changes, and as we grow as people, there will be things we learn about each other — and ourselves — that can be unexpected. In some cases, these can be truths long left hidden or denied, such as if you ever find yourself thinking, "Is my partner gay?"
While being gay is not a choice, coming out is. And it is a deeply personal one. Needless to say, coming out can be a life-altering revelation.
Speculating about another person's sexuality might be unfair, but when it involves someone you are romantically involved with, suspicions need to be addressed. Ultimately, only they can decide if they are gay and if they would like to come out.
So knowing signs that your husband could be gay is important so that you know when to sit down and talk about it. That way, you can move forward together.
Is my partner gay? 5 signs to watch out for
If you notice these signs in your husband, it's best to clear the air with him. Remember to approach him lovingly and without judgement.
He might be going through some overwhelming emotions, and making him feel he is under attack will only make him closed off.
Here are some signs to watch out for.
1. Decrease in communication
Someone who is struggling with their sexuality often copes by being excessively secretive. They evade having deep conversations that might require them to "open up" and tackle aspects of themselves they'd rather not explore.
Of course, a decrease in communication doesn't always mean that they are struggling with sexuality. It may just be they are going through some difficult issues. Either way, communication is key.
2. He's rarely jealous
Yes, there are men who are secure enough not to be threatened by other men. But this could also mean that he finds no reason to be envious.
A man who is struggling with his sexuality can become less invested in marriage to a point that nothing, not even a man making advances towards his wife, can get a rise out of him.
3. He's homophobic
Someone who is still in denial that he is gay may be excessively homophobic. This is a way he tries to deflect being suspected as gay. Other times, he simply struggles with accepting himself.
Sex and relationship expert Joe Kort tells Psychology Today that this is one of the telltale signs he looks for in couples he has worked with.
4. Poor intimacy
Has your sex life become lackluster? Your husband might be gay if he evades physical contact or intercourse.
Take the case of Mel, who found out her husband was gay. She shares with Women's Health how the one of the biggest hints was that they only had sex twice a year.
When he may give in to sex, he seems like he's only doing it to make you feel better or to appease you. He goes out of his way to be apart from you. He might also ask you to use sex toys on him. But of course, that could also mean he's simply being sexually adventurous.
5. He is overly touchy or close to other men
Kort explains that a gay man can only imagine being romantic with a man.
Does he seem overly affectionate or clingy towards male friends? Does he get defensive when asked about relationships with men?
Of course, husbands have the right to maintain same sex friendships. But when it's overly close that their male friends become more of a priority, then that's when it can become a problem.
Is my partner gay? How to move forward
Dr. Kort assures us that a "marriage can survive."
With the women he's worked with in therapy, he's tried to make sure that they know that their partner's behaviour is not a reflection of them or how they have failed as a partner.
It is simply and purely because of him and his "unmet needs."
Though a husband coming to terms with his sexuality can surely affect a marriage, it is a deeply personal issue.
Hopefully, you can find a way to heal and move forward in love, even if it means that you have to say goodbye.
Sources: Psychology Today, Women's Health
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