'Not Everybody Has To Accept My Relationship With Him': Interracial Couple Opens Up About The Challenges They Have Faced

From quitting their stable banking jobs to run Deanna’s Kitchen full time to overcoming their own family’s objections, the couple has come a long way in the past 17 years, Deanna told AsiaOne. 

‘They even told me not to go out of the house’

Deanna and Asri first met at a bazaar in Turf City, Deanna recounted. As they were the youngest people manning stalls there, the two naturally gravitated towards each other and formed a close friendship before eventually falling head over heels in love.

However, their budding romance didn’t immediately receive the approval of Deanna’s concerned parents.

When speaking to Deanna about the relationship, they would bring up points such as how Muslims can’t eat pork, drink or gamble, she said. Her mum even constantly reminded her that if she were to marry Asri, he could still wed another three women besides her.

“It was very tough in the beginning because I’m an only child. My parents were very against me dating or even meeting him because they didn’t exactly know what a Malay Muslim is. At one point, they even told me not to go out of the house,” Deanna told us, her sadness still evident despite all the time that had passed. 

The turning point

Unfortunately, it took a heartbreaking incident to turn the situation around.

In 2006, Deanna’s dad passed away. To manage her grief, Deanna’s mother decided to go overseas for six months.

“With my dad gone — and my mum literally flew off — he (Asri) came and took care of me,” Deanna recalled.

He checked in on her regularly and ensured that she was eating and that her home was well stocked.

Apart from warming the cockles of Deanna’s heart, his act of love moved her mother as well, she told us.

It was a long time coming, but the incident finally made Deanna’s mother realise that Asri was a dependable gentleman who only wanted the best for her daughter, and she finally approved of their relationship.

Facing the critics

While the interracial couple was thrilled to have finally gotten Deanna’s mother’s blessings, this was only their first hurdle.

To this day, the pair face mixed reactions towards their relationship, especially from Deanna’s extended family.

On one end of the spectrum, she has relatives who warmly welcomed Asri into the family. But there are also some who are still against the relationship up till today, Deanna shared candidly.

Most of them do attempt to remain polite on the surface —  if they bump into Asri at family events, they would still greet him. However, they avoid any in-depth conversations with him.

And then there are the ‘extremists’. According to Deanna, these relatives don’t even bother acknowledging Asri’s presence. 

“I have one auntie who declined to attend my Malay wedding. She told me to my face that she didn’t want to accept the invitation card because to her, Malay weddings are very noisy,” Deanna cited.

“It’s something we had to grow used to,” Deanna explained. “Not everybody has to accept my relationship with him, it doesn’t matter. As long my mum and his parents accept it, I think that is the greatest thing that we need.”

Thankfully, Asri’s family were more supportive of the relationship and took Deanna in as one of their own. However, there were some big lifestyle changes she had to make.

“My mum reminded me that if I were to marry a non-Muslim, my responsibilities as a Muslim are very high and I am supposed to guide my wife. If my wife does not do the right things, I have to bear the sin,” explained Asri.

“If I do anything wrong, my sin will be his sin, so I’m like literally dragging him into hell,” Deanna laughed jokingly.

New lifestyle, new changes

Deanna eventually converted to Islam, simply because she “wanted to”, she told us. 

Apart from having to fast during Ramadan and learning how to pray, another major lifestyle change was completely eliminating pork from her diet and switching to halal options.

As a foodie, this was incredibly hard, Deanna admitted. Growing up, the dish she derived the most comfort from was a hearty bowl of prawn noodles.

“Prawn noodles was something that my family cooked every Sunday when we had family gatherings, so for me, not having prawn mee — it seemed very dismal.”

Hoping to quell her cravings, the interracial couple travelled far and wide to find an alternative, but none of these tasted similar to an authentic bowl of prawn mee.

According to Asri, many of these halal renditions could not come close to the actual dish as the chefs themselves had never tried a proper bowl of prawn mee before.

However, Deanna had, and therefore, she decided to take matters into her own hands and create her very own bowl of halal prawn mee.

She took her grandmother’s recipe and tweaked it by trying to substitute the pork and lard components with other ingredients like chicken. But it was not a simple process — it took her a whopping six years to perfect the recipe.

Deanna had started her prawn mee journey purely with the intention of satisfying her own cravings.  However, after trying her food, her friends and family encouraged her to start selling it because it was just that good.

After some discussion, the couple took a leap of faith and decided to open Deanna’s Kitchen’s first outlet at Toa Payoh in 2017.

And their decision appears to have paid off — business is so good they’ve branched out with three more outlets at Jurong, Chai Chee and Woodlands.

Celebrating both Chinese New Year and Hari Raya

One of the plusses of having a multi-cultural family is undoubtedly having more holidays to celebrate and Deanna’s family is no exception. 

In the past, Asri’s entire family of around 60 people would squeeze into his parent’s home for Hari Raya. When Covid-19 struck last year, the group was forced to gather over Zoom meetings instead, Asri told us. 

Fortunately, this year will be a little different for this interracial couple as visitations are still allowed, he added.

And Deanna isn’t the only one who has adjusted her routines for her partner — Asri puts in the effort too and joins Deanna during her family’s Chinese New year celebrations. During the occasion, he and his son will doll themselves up in red and accompany Deanna on visitations.

Being in love with someone from a different race and religion is definitely a challenging experience. However, with enough perseverance and compromise, Deanna wholeheartedly believes the relationship can work.

As she succinctly put it: “It’s a blessing if your family can accept your other half. But, if they don’t, it’s not that big a deal because you have each other.”

This article was first published on AsiaOne and republished on theAsianparent with permission.