When you look back to the early years of your relationship, the first thing that takes over your memory is the remembrance of heady happiness. Along with other factors of a good relationship and self-fulfilment, this happiness owes to the importance of sex in marriage. And this can be a great recipe to keep the marriage intact.
There is a science behind satisfaction from sex. The interplay of hormones – testosterone and oestrogen – to initiate and prepare the body for sex, to the explosion of nerve impulses in the brain during climax and ultimately release of happiness and bonding hormones – oxytocin and serotonin.
The affection that you feel for your partner doubles up to a sense of belonging after sex. This feeling coupled with the general companionship of marriage cements the relationship fast.
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Over the years, most of the novelty wears off and the relationship moves to a comfort zone without the fire of intimacy. Changed priorities and daily life-stressors steal from couples’ time.
Another issue is satiation. This is the human tendency to become bored. The early spark of intimacy is lost.
Thirdly, with age health issues crop up and testosterone levels decrease. Losing libido, pregnancy, responsibilities and body-image issues can all impact a couple’s sex life.
Whether you are a couple married for more than 8 years or a couple looking to stay married for long, you must accept this importance of sex in marriage. Those couples who do not prioritise intimacy end up being in sexless marriages. This often leads to dissatisfaction and breakdown of the marriage. If you feel your marriage has lost the sexual fire, you should rectify the problem at the earliest.
Your first step towards reigniting the fire is to go for ‘maintenance sex’. This is putting in effort even if both the partners are reluctant. Before initiating any physical intimacy, verbal and emotional sync has to be achieved. This helps the couple communicate and connect. Most couples have reported that once they took the plunge, the experience was positive.
The couples who have maintained long marriages have the following advice:
- Be vocal and don’t overlook the desire.
- Be adventurous and enjoy surprises together.
- Make a schedule and work around it.
- Don’t forget the emotional connect.
- Acknowledge each other and your pleasure together.
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- Foreplay may start with a simple conversation.
Taking interest in your partner, saying nice things and giving verbal attention can often be the first step to a great time ahead.
- It is not always about the action.
Physical intimacy in a long-time couple is a lot more than intercourse. It may be a shower together, snuggling up or giving a relaxing massage to each other.
- Switch off gadgets and set the mood.
When you are not concentrating on a screen, you are focussing on the person with you. Taking a walk or a neck-rub can be ideal mood setters.
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- Identify and communicate how intimacy affects you.
Understand the motivation behind wanting sex. Let your spouse know and appreciate his reasons too. Find some common factors or indulge each other in turns.
- Communicate, communicate, communicate.
There is no way the importance of communication can be played down. This alone has the power to make or mar your marriage. So, talk and listen.
Learn to love yourself and get rid of body-image issues. Relax and have fun. Arrange time and place around the workload.
Make sure your partner reached the climax. Make an effort to spice things up. Look for new places and ways to connect.
“Caution: Do not handle with care. She is not fragile, she will not break; she bends to your touch, with the right pair of hands on her…” – N. R. Hart.
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Sources: ABC News, Fatherly, NBC News, Women’s Weekly
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