Commitment in marriage means loving your spouse through the darkest of times. It means holding on to the good in them. It means to keep fighting even when it hurts, believing in your marriage when life's struggles threaten to make loving difficult.
Happiness is a choice, as they say. But seeking momentary happiness — or becoming unfaithful — can be the biggest mistake of our lives, as one dad learned in a heartbreaking way.
Husband regrets divorce, writes post urging others not to make the same mistake
"I was married, had been with my wife for 15 years. Then I left her two months short of our 10 year wedding anniversary," Sammy Baya writes in a Facebook post. "We were parents to two beautiful children, who are in their late teens now, but were only seven and nine years old when I walked out."
In the post, which has been shared over 388,000 times on Facebook, Sammy confesses how he left his wife for another woman named Eve. Sammy met Eve while travelling for work. They became friends, and spoke day and night. Eve was also married with two kids.
"We had so much in common; we soon fell in love," writes Sammy, recounting how his affair with Eve happened during a "trying time in [his] marriage."
During this time, he wasn't happy, never looking forward to going home.
"My wife had put on weight; we hardly ever spoke, [and] she always looked so miserable," he continues.
But little did he know that the reason his wife seemed so "down and depressed" was that he was taking her for granted.
"Every time she spoke to me, all I heard was nagging and whining. But she was actually begging for my attention..."
Sammy believed his wife no longer loved him. So he sought excitement and romance online. He simply wanted to get out of the marriage.
"I convinced myself she never cared about me or my needs and wants and wishes, that all I was was a pay check," writes the dad of two.
Even if his wife had spent most of her free time caring for their family and making sure the household ran smoothly, despite holding down a job of her own, all he could see was how she was failing him.
"Every time she spoke to me, all I heard was nagging and whining. But she was actually begging for my attention," he shares.
"We argued and fought because we felt unheard by the other," he recalls. "And yet that was all we actually had to do – LISTEN – to each other!"
Husband regrets divorce, writing "I was wrong. I missed the best years of my kids' lives..."
Soon he moved to another province with Eve. They were happy for about seven years, but never married.
"Eventually, no matter how well we got along in the beginning; no matter how well I thought she 'got' me; no matter how good the sex was; the 'honeymoon' came to an end," writes Sammy.
He soon realised he missed the woman who created his first home and family. Had he just given his ex-wife the same amount of attention, then he is certain she would have "bloomed."
He had convinced himself she was not who he wanted simply because he "never gave her the time and affection and attention she craved and deserved."
"It is when you are there at your darkest that you need to grip down and try your hardest..."
Through it all, his ex-wife lived graciously as she faced the battles of being a single mum. She never demanded more financial support than he was giving. Though she was granted full custody, she was generous when it came to time with their kids.
"I walked out and divorced a woman who — and I can only see this now — would have done anything for me," he writes.
After eight years of being single — not wanting commitment to get in the way of raising their kids — Sammy's ex-wife met a great man named Craig.
They eventually moved in together, got married, and started a new family. The kids were happily welcomed by Craig's family.
"I finally understood how she’d felt all these years. And it felt rotten."
"I finally understood how she’d felt all these years. And it felt rotten," Sammy laments in the post.
Seeing her radiating love and happiness for another felt like his heart "had been ripped out."
"Don’t be me," he warns in closing, writing how he realised that his ex-wife was his "original true love."
"You think you will never be happy when you are in a rut. It is when you are there at your darkest that you need to grip down and try your hardest," he emphasises.
Today, the husband regrets divorce deeply; he lives alone and only sees his kids occasionally.
"They are big now and harbour anger towards me for leaving them and their mother. Who can blame them?"
In sharing his story, he hopes he will help married couples stay together through trials.
"Hope this helps a few marriages," he writes. "Love and appreciate a good woman."
If you are having problems in your marriage, strive to still see the good in your spouse. Yes, it can be trying, especially when you crave romance and happier times.
No person or marriage is perfect, but commitment means toughing it out together, fighting for each other's happiness, not just your own.
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