How to tell if your husband is cheating on you

Your hubby has been a bit distracted for a while now. You are not entirely certain. God forbid– you don’t want to come across as being suspicious. So you continue agonizing: Is my husband cheating on me?

Citrix Chee, a counsellor from the Kang Ren Counselling Services has seen her fair share of cheating spouses.

The main reason for cheating husbands is primarily from their inability to control sexual attraction towards other females, or it could just be a man’s personality. She added that communication barriers and wives that are not having sex with their hubbies enough are also contributing factors to extramarital affairs.

Take note: When a man is unfaithful secrecy skyrockets, abnormal behaviour and attitude increases, plus there is an unexplained distance between the two of you.

Look out for these clues if you are dying of suspicion and think your husband is cheating on you:

Husband cheating sign 1: “How good do I look?” If your man suddenly becomes overly concerned with his looks, he is either coming out of the closet, going through a midlife crisis or he is cheating on you. Either way, it’s trouble.

Observe his sudden change in grooming habits — a new cologne, a gym obsession, a spunky hair-do or a spiffy new wardrobe. He might as well act like a teenager going on his first date.

Husband cheating sign 2: “I have to work.” You’ll be hearing this a lot–too much. Watch out for sudden changes to his work schedule. Is he working late every night or travelling when he did not need to before?

Are his “work commitments” never within work settings? Does he snap at you when you question him–of course–what cheating man wants you to know of his whereabouts?

Husband cheating sign 3: “I need to answer this call or email. It’s urgent.” Is he taking calls at irregular hours of the day or night? He deliberately drops his voice or answers in a softer tone when taking the call.

Hello! Loud warning bells should go off by now especially if your husband suddenly begins to excuse himself as he needs to talk privately. Is he spending excessive amounts of time on the computer, answering emails or replying to facebook comments (that are not yours).

Husband cheating sign 4: “Don’t touch my cell phone.” Does he password protect his cell phone, computer, email and or Facebook account?

The main way that trysts are found out is through the discovery of incriminating e-mails, or cell phone texts. So if he’s being unfaithful, he will guard his gadgets or get defensive when you innocently touch his phone or computer

Husband cheating sign 5: “I want more or no sex.” Another symptom of infidelity — a change in sexual desire. Cheating husbands will often stop having sex with their wives or want to have more.  The latter is usually to assuage their guilt.

Husband cheating sign 6: “I need some space or alone time.” A man who has betrayed his marriage covenant may act aggressively towards his wife.  Fights will spontaneously combust, there will be fault finding–all to justify his reason(s) for having an affair.

If your husband has a sudden adverse change in attitude towards you, your family or home life–girl wake up, he is sleeping in another woman’s bed.

Husband cheating sign 7: “Where has the money gone?” Ooops…your hubby suddenly has no money to spend on you, your children or your family. Why? Having an affair is costly! Flowers, wining & dining, gifts or dirty weekends away, need we elaborate?

Some crafty husbands will make use of company expenses or become adept at hiding their expenses from you.  So, check his wallet for unexplainable receipts or look for obvious signs like random purchases or unfamiliar scents on his body or clothes.

Husband cheating sign 8: “Why are you carrying a condom?” In an affair, it’s all about the physical clues– lipstick on shirt collars, perfume odours on shirts or jackets, secretion stains on underwear.

Are there unexplained bits of paper, receipts, and condoms in his pockets?

Husband cheating sign 9: “Something is just not right.” Sometimes, despite all your precaution, tracking a devious cheater is hard. Trust your intuition if something is not right.  Whether your husband is cheating on you or not, investigations may lead to new discoveries.

There is nothing worse than the realization or suspicion that the one person whom you trusted and loved most is cheating on you.

According to the Statistics on Marriages and Divorces, 2010, divorces among Singaporeans are still high; especially those aged 35 – 44.   Couples who were married for up to 10 years accounted for the largest group of divorces last year.  97% of these applicants cited “unreasonable behaviour” and “having lived apart or separated for three years or more” as main reasons for divorce.

But not all infidelity cases end up in the Divorce Courts.  Chee says that couples can choose counselling as recourse but the success of these sessions depend on several factors:

1) The initial communication between the couple before the affair started.  If the husband had felt abused emotionally or psychologically by the wife and found solace in the “other” woman, he may not wish to continue the relationship with his wife.

2) What’s the reason for the affair? Was it a one-time faux pas, sexual frustration or a long-term affair with the lover. “It all depends on the mom,” Chee says. “Usually the female wants to save the relationship; if it is a first offence, the wife is more willing to forgive.  However, if it is repeated offences, the marriage is often dissolved.”

3) Are children involved? Children play an integral part in the reconciliation process.  According to Chee, couples with children under 5 years old are more open to reconcile or manage their relationship with counselling, whereas those with grown up children are more likely to separate.

If you wish to know more about marriage counselling, check out this list of services here.

What would you do if your husband cheated on you? Tell us in the comment box below and take part in the poll.

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