Losing your child and then sharing the news with your people is not easy. Whether you have a miscarriage, sudden infant death or stillbirth, it will take time to grieve and recover from the loss. You might want to stay away from people and focus on taking care of your health.
Self-care is of utmost importance during this time, no doubt about it; however, at some point, you will have to share the news of your stillborn baby with friends and family. You can decide whether you want to talk to them in person, write an email or announce the news on your social media page. But what to say and how to do is something we need to figure out because it’s not an easy task and there is no fixed way to do it.
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Ways to Talk About Your Stillborn Baby
It is very natural for parents-to-be to feel uncomfortable when sharing the news of their child’s loss. After all, its impact is incredibly high, and you can’t really prepare in advance for such traumatic incidents. The pain is the same for all, only the way of grieving and sharing differs. Understand that there is no right or wrong way to break the information to others. You can make it formal or casual based on what you feel at that moment. Here are some ways that you can consider when talking to your family and friends about your stillborn baby:
One phone call away
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Make a phone call to your parents and very close people to give them the news. They would surely make plans to visit you and lend support in every possible way. If you do not wish to be disturbed, you can always politely request them to give you some space. Also remember that more often than not, people may not know what to say or how to help during such situations. So express your needs openly and let them know what you’re thinking and what is expected of them.
Emails to your rescue
It is very likely that you would have told people about your pregnancy in the initial stage itself. So you can choose to send out a common email to all your contacts, announcing your loss in a format that you like. For instance, you may write, “With heavy hearts, we would like to announce that we lost our daughter/son to stillbirth on (date). Thank you for your wishes and support. Your prayers for us and our beloved child will be greatly appreciated”. This way, you don’t have to inform each and every one individually or worry about the questions regarding your delivery status from time to time.
Short social media post
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If you have an active social media profile, you might want to put up a post about your stillborn baby. Write a short post about your loss, with the date, cause of death and any other additional details as per your wish. This way, you can avoid any questions about your pregnancy that may hurt your feelings. It is also important to understand that you’re not obligated to reply to the messages pouring in. In fact, it may be a good idea to make the announcement, add a line about taking a break from social media and then stay away from social media for a while so as to not get overwhelmed.
Gratitude
Card messages
If you face stillbirth when you’re nearing your due date, chances are that you’ve already had your baby shower. You might have also opened your gifts and set up a room for your little one. If you haven’t sent out thank you cards yet, this may be a good time to do so, while also including news about your stillborn baby in the card. You can thank them immensely for their gift, mention the sad news of your loss and let them know that you’ll surely save the beautiful gifts for your next baby.
Personalised messages
If you wish to make your loved ones feel more connected, you can always send personalised cards. Personalised messages never fail to make a positive impact. You can share your grief with them and receive the support you need.
Someone to help
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It is understandable when you feel like you do not want to deal with questions about your loss. In such a situation, a trusted companion such as your partner, your family members or a close friend can help fill in for you. If you reach out to them and explain how you feel, they will be more than happy to assist. This way the burden on your shoulders is reduced and you can take the time to focus on recovering from the huge loss.
The points listed above are just a few simple suggestions that you can consider. Always listen to your heart when it comes to sharing the news of your loss. It is undoubtedly the most difficult time of your life and you can decide whether you want to share your story or how you want to share the news of your stillborn baby. In the end, what matters is how you handled the situation and moved on irrespective of the amount of time you took to heal.
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How To Deal With “What Happened To The Baby?” And More Questions After A Miscarriage Or Stillbirth
Support Groups, Counsellors and Therapists for Pregnancy Loss In Singapore