When a wife has been betrayed of her trust and love, it is not surprising for her to give up on the marriage, especially in the case of adultery.
However adultery doesn’t have to spell the end of a marriage. There is still hope if you are willing to give your marriage and your husband another chance:
1. Don’t act in anger – Immediately after you discover the affair, you are likely to be very angry and often women react violently and say vicious things to hurt their husband who has hurt them so deeply. It will not be easy, but try to avoid speaking harshly to your husband or hurting him physically. It will only escalate an already bad situation.
Going forward, it will be even more difficult to save your marriage if you attack him and end up hurting him in a confrontation. If you are having a tough time dealing with your rage, it is best to seek professional help or find a safe outlet to vent your anger.
2. Time apart – Discovering an affair will expose very intense and raw emotions. At this point, your thoughts and feelings will be running amok. You’ll feel angry, depressed, sad and even hopeless. Spend some time apart from your husband.
If you can, have someone look after the kids. Take the opportunity to go somewhere quiet and reflect on the situation. If you don’t want to be alone, go to your family, best friend or religious leader for a listening ear and to help you to emotionally process all that is happening.
3. Assess the affair – To save your marriage from permanent destruction, you should first assess the kind of affair that your husband had. Was it a one-night stand or a deep friendship-turned-relationship affair?
While the one-time event is easier to accept, relationship affairs can be harder to overcome especially if your husband claims to have strong feelings or even love for the other woman. But if he is willing to work things out and has already ended the affair, see it as an opportunity to save your marriage.
After you have overcome the initial shock and distress of discovering the affair, here are some important steps that you can then take to save your marriage and start afresh.
Find out what you can do to start saving your marriage.
Start saving your marriage:
1. Express your feelings to your husband. Let him know how much you want to save the marriage. Tell him how hurt you feel and that you are willing to forgive him if he stops his affair once and for all. Remember to be the better person. Be honest but respectful.
2. Ask for help from a marriage counselor. Seek the assistance of an expert in rebuilding and strengthening your marriage in order to avoid a divorce. A counselor can also assist you to work through issues that could have led to the breakdown in your marriage.
3. Forgive your partner. It may be difficult but you need to forgive in order to move on and trust him once again. Understand that forgiving is not the same as forgetting. Both parties must realise that forgetting requires a lot more time, effort and commitment.
Have you ever been cheated on? What do you feel about the steps above on saving your marriage? Share your experience with us.
For more tips on how to refresh your marriage after an affair, watch this video:
What would you do if your husband cheated on you?
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