Want To Prevent Raising Entitled Kids? Don’t Pay Them For Chores Say Experts

Parents work really hard to provide their kids with a better life than theirs. Whether you were born with a silver spoon or made your way through poverty to the top, every parent wants to ensure that their kids can go out and pursue those things that they may have missed out on. 

And there’s nothing wrong with that. You could call it maternal/paternal instinct that pushes mums and dads to work harder for themselves and their families. After all, a major aspect of adulting is to keep your loved ones safe in every way possible, so that they can freely enjoy what the world has to offer. 

However, this is a privilege that not every parent or child can afford. Just because you are doing well in life does not mean the world is too. And that’s something we need to remind ourselves every day. 

But what happens when parents and kids easily forget this privilege? Well, pride takes over and it’s easy to see why you can get blinded by it. Pride is the enemy of hard work. It makes you feel entitled and stops you from working harder than you can. 

So when parents go the extra mile and provide for their kids without having them realising it, they are actually making their kids lethargic. Your child will soon feel entitled to the lavish house, air conditioning, car rides, the next toy and the next meal. There’s a reason why we say the gratitude prayer before every meal right. 

That’s why parents need to inculcate in kids the difference between privilege and entitlement. And for that, you first need to learn how not to raise entitled kids. 

And one sociologist believes knows how you can do it. 

How Not To Raise Entitled Kids: Accept Your Children’s Help

Some families give their children a weekly allowance. Other parents believe their kids should be earning their allowance through chores, teaching them the value of a dollar.

Heather Beth Johnson, a sociologist at Lehigh University, believes that when mums and dads pay their kids for something they ought to be doing as part of the family, it sends a message of entitlement.

The sociologist, who studies families and wealth inequality, says these kids, especially from upper-middle-class families will soon expect rewards for the most menial of tasks. Instead, parents should teach their kids to help around the house as they are part of the “household team” and need to contribute to the family.

David Lancy, former Professor of Anthropology at Utah State University, studied how families schedule chores worldwide. He finds that all around the world, children are eager to help around the house at 18 months old. Some cultures already have children doing age-appropriate chores because they want to contribute to the family, without an allowance.

On the other hand, he observes that some parents do everything for their kids, denying them the chance to help. For instance, doing chores while they sleep, or scheduling activity after activity for them. This makes kids feel that helping is a burden.

By the time they get old enough, they don’t even bother to offer any help anymore.

Tying Chores To Money Confuses Kids

Beth Kobliner, author of “Make Your Kid a Money Genius (Even If You’re Not): A Parents’ Guide for Kids 3 to 23” and mum of three, says paying kids for chores will confuse them.

She stresses that when a child has chores to do around the house, they learn family responsibility. It’s also an indicator of how your son or daughter will excel in their career. Chores make your children team players.

Paying your children for taking out the garbage, washing the plates or cleaning their room has no real benefits, she says.

Having said that, she feels that it’s all right for children to earn an allowance if they do additional chores at home, or if it’s a weekly/monthly allowance that’s completely unrelated to the chores they do.

Alternatively, we suggest a hybrid of both. They earn a weekly/monthly allowance and they can earn additional allowance to buy the newest toy they want by finding extra ways to help around the house.

How To Get Your Kids To Help With Household Chores

It’s never too young for your kids to help out around the house, especially if they’re volunteering to help. They will be asking plenty of questions, so you need to be patient. Take the time to explain how and why you do the things you do around the house.

Be willing to settle for less. Their bed might be made with wrinkles all over, clothes folded won’t look perfect and books will be shelved in all sorts of directions. But it’s a start and you should praise their efforts.

Here are some ways for you and your child to work together:

1. House

Task your kids to make their bed after waking up. They can also learn to use the vacuum and dust furniture. Additionally, they should always be putting away their toys when they’re done playing with them.

2. Kitchen

When preparing food, your kids can help wash fruits and vegetables and set the table for dinner. When the family is done eating, ask your children to help put away unbreakable, safe items on the dining table. After a weekly trip to NTUC, your kids can also help put away the groceries.

3. Laundry

Teach your kids how to sort laundry into different piles – one for whites, one for colours. After the clothes have been washed and dried, they can also help match socks, fold underwear, napkins and towels, and deliver the clothes to family members.

Don’t forget to praise your child for a job well done. The whole idea of how not to raise entitled kids is essentially all about how to not raise entitled adults. Those who think the world owes them something and can embarrass you in the most unlikely situations. 

Teaching your children the value of a strong work ethic will help them throughout their lifetime as they grow up into proactive and productive adults.

Source: Business Insider Singapore

ALSO READ:

Influencer Laments Helper’s ‘Entitled’ Behaviour Online, Gets Schooled About Graciousness Instead

Are We Raising The ‘Strawberry Generation’ — Entitled And Rude Brats?