A helicopter parent is someone who is overly involved in their children’s lives, often to the point of micromanaging their every move. Unlike simply being attentive, helicopter parenting involves hovering over children, preventing them from having the space to explore, discover, and create independently. The negative effects of this parenting style have been well-documented.
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What Are Helicopter Parenting Examples?
Research has shown that helicopter parenting can lead to a range of negative outcomes in young adults, including psychological distress, narcissism, poor adjustment, and an increased likelihood of alcohol and drug use. By constantly hovering, helicopter parents ultimately disempower their children.
Here are four common behaviors of helicopter parents. If you recognize yourself in any of these examples, don’t be too hard on yourself—change is possible!
You are just one choice away from a different approach to parenting, one where both you and your children feel empowered.
Helicopter parenting examples include constantly helping kids which tend to result in disempowering them. | Image source: iStock
Helicopter Parenting Examples
1. Doing for your kids what they can do for themselves
Do you let your kids cook or clean? Do you allow them to butter their own toast, pour a glass of juice, tie their shoes, or pick out their clothes? Or do you hover around, doing everything for them? Over-parenting by taking over tasks your kids can handle on their own often results in children who lack confidence and essential life skills. Yes, messes will be made, and mistakes will happen—juice may spill, and crumbs might scatter. But so what? Allowing your kids to do things for themselves fosters the autonomy that builds confidence and reassures them that they’ve got this.
2. Protecting your kids
Do you find yourself trying to protect your kids from harm or the consequences of their choices? It seems like the right thing to do, right? After all, isn’t that part of our job as parents? That’s what we’ve often been told. However, in reflecting on my own parenting, I realized that fostering self-awareness and self-trust in my son was far more important than shielding him from every potential harm. What we often label as “protection” is, in reality, an attempt to control our kids and the outcomes of their lives. But if the parent is always in control, the child never truly learns to be.
When we do the protection thing, we’re actually teaching our kids to not be aware. We teach them to fear things. It is us who teaches them to worry about things. We unintentionally teach them to stress out rather than providing a safe space for curiosity, exploration, and awareness. Give your kids the space to take risks and experience independence. This is what empowers them to know that they can create their lives. This is what empowers them to be aware of what each of their choices will create.
Worrying too much about your child is also one of the helicopter parenting examples. It’s normal to worry, but don’t take it too far. | Image source: iStock
3. Demanding perfection
Do you have the point of view that you have to be perfect? Do you expect perfection from your kids? If your parents insisted on perfection, if your teachers compared you to others or focused only on your mistakes, or if your friends teased you for your actions, you might have internalized the idea that perfection is necessary. This mindset can lead you to demand the same from your children.
People often think that striving for perfection is beneficial – that it somehow makes you better.
It’s actually not true. Perfectionism is very damaging and expecting your kids to be perfect leads them to be in a constant state of judgment; always trying to be good enough while believing that they are not, always trying to feel ok about themselves while believing they are wrong. Let go of the idea of perfectionism. For you and for your kids.
One powerful way to shift this mindset is by asking reflective questions when self-criticism arises: “What strengths in myself am I not acknowledging? What positive qualities in my children am I overlooking?” This approach fosters a healthier perspective, emphasizing appreciation over criticism.
Among helicopter parenting examples is expecting perfection. | Image source: iStock
4. Parenting from right and wrong
Do you often find yourself saying, “This is the right way to do things” or “That’s the wrong way”? Do you catch yourself frequently pointing out where your kids fall short of your expectations?
When we parent from a rigid sense of right and wrong, we create a constant environment of judgment—judgment of ourselves, our children, and even other parents and their children. This habit of judgment can be incredibly destructive, as it undermines relationships and stifles growth. In fact, judgment is one of the biggest relationship killers.
Rather than judging, ask questions. “OK, if I wasn’t judging, what would I know? What did this choice actually create for me or my child? How can we work with that? How can we learn from that? What could we create together?”
When children are encouraged to do things for themselves, to develop self-awareness, and to trust their instincts, they gain a sense of empowerment. Giving them the freedom to make mistakes, to learn from them, and to navigate their choices without fear of judgment, builds their confidence and resilience. This approach not only allows them to pursue their dreams and aspirations but also instills in them the belief that they can achieve anything they desire. As a parent, embracing this mindset can empower you as well, creating a more fulfilling and supportive environment for both you and your children.
Regardless of how you were parented, what if you started to be all of these things for you now? What greater possibility would that create for you and for your kids? It is never too late to start. Remember, you are one choice from change.
Empower kids to explore. | Image source: iStock
Drawing upon his transformation from a struggling tradesman and single dad to global speaker, Brendon Watt facilitates classes and workshops all over the world empowering others to know they are not wrong, that anything is possible and that they are only one choice away from change. As well as being a speaker, entrepreneur, and business and life mentor, Brendon is the facilitator of several special Access Consciousness advanced programs including Choice of Possibilities, Conscious Parenting Conscious Kids, and Joy of Business. Relationship: Do you really want one? is Brendon’s first book.
This article was first published in KidSpot and republished on theAsianparent with permission.