In the heart of Melvin’s home, love takes on many forms—fostering, adopting, and biological parenting. This Father’s Day, we delve into Melvin Soon’s heartwarming story, offering inspiration and insight into the world of foster parenting. This journey is not just about giving; it’s about growing, learning, and embracing a calling that extends beyond biological ties.
A Growing Family
Today, Melvin’s family consists of his wife Joanne Ong, their adopted daughter Ariel, foster daughter Alora, and their newborn son Kayius. Reflecting on their journey, Melvin shares the joy of welcoming each child into their home. “Our baby, Kayius, arrived less than a month ago,” Melvin beams, sharing the joy of new life in their family.
The Call to Foster
Melvin’s journey into fostering began a decade ago at a Fostering tea session. He recalls, “I realised fostering was very aligned to the Christian worldview on how God is the ‘father to the fatherless’ and calls us to ‘care for the orphans and widows.’” This profound realisation resonated deeply with Melvin and Joanne, even in their early days of dating. Their mutual calling to foster and adopt children solidified their bond and set the stage for a family built on love and compassion.
Parenting Through Different Lenses
Each child brought unique experiences and lessons into Melvin and Joanne’s lives. Their first foster son, Benjamin, came into their home as a mature five-year-old boy. Despite occasional outbursts of anger, Benjamin flourished under Melvin and Joanne’s loving boundaries. “Benjamin gave me confidence that with good and loving boundaries, a child can flourish and grow,” Melvin explains.
Ariel’s arrival presented new challenges, including cultural and language barriers. “Our first few months with Ariel were filled with lots of hand gestures and us guessing if her actions were a result of trauma, language barriers, cultural differences, or a combination of all,” Melvin recalls. Through intentional homeschooling and nurturing, Ariel transformed into a confident preschooler, embodying resilience and hope.
Alora, who joined the family as a four-month-old infant, brought immense joy and sweetness. Described as a “unicorn baby” for her easygoing nature, Alora’s presence filled their home with laughter and love. “The thought that one day she will have to leave us already sets an emotion of grief in me,” Melvin admits. However, he finds solace in knowing that fostering Alora now gives her a foundation of love and security that will help her flourish in the future.
Navigating Challenges
Fostering is not without its challenges. Melvin candidly shares the difficulties of managing outbursts, anxiety, and disorganised attachment styles in foster children. His approach involves a two-pronged strategy: child management and self-management. “Creating a safe space and being trauma-informed is crucial,” Melvin notes. He emphasises the importance of understanding a child’s past and setting loving boundaries.
Self-management, according to Melvin, is even more critical. “We cannot control how the children react, but we can control how we respond and feel,” he explains. Regular self-care, knowing one’s triggers, and maintaining a calm demeanour are essential strategies Melvin and Joanne employ to navigate the emotional highs and lows of fostering.
Saying Goodbye
One of the most challenging aspects of fostering is saying goodbye to a foster child. Melvin reflects, “The grief of saying goodbye to a foster child is very real.” He allows himself to grieve, knowing that the love and security they provide will have a lasting impact on the child’s life. “The joy and love that the child gets to experience far outweigh the grief I have to go through when they leave,” Melvin concludes.
Adoption and Fostering: The Parallels
Melvin and Joanne’s decision to adopt Ariel came from a place of deep compassion. Learning about Ariel’s difficult past broke their hearts, but it also aligned with their mission to be a safe family for children in need. The adoption process, while similar to fostering in its initial intent, diverges in its permanence. “For adoption, we are the forever family,” Melvin explains, highlighting the commitment and financial responsibilities that come with it.
Support Systems
Support from family, friends, and the fostering community has been invaluable to Melvin and Joanne. “Our extended family invited our foster children and loved them as their own,” Melvin shares. Regular meetings with their fostering community provide emotional support and practical advice, reinforcing that they are not alone in this journey.
Building Trust
Creating a sense of safety for children from traumatic backgrounds requires patience and empathy. Melvin and Joanne prioritise acknowledging the children’s feelings, practising empathy, and setting clear, safe boundaries. They teach emotional regulation skills and strive to be a calm, safe space for the children to express themselves.
Balancing Family Dynamics
Preparing and managing the dynamics between their biological, adopted, and foster children is an ongoing process. Melvin emphasises individual love and attention, ensuring each child feels valued and cherished. “We included Ariel in the decision and discussion to foster Alora and got her on board with caring and sharing,” Melvin explains. This inclusive approach fosters a sense of belonging and unity among all the children.
Personal Growth
Fostering has profoundly changed Melvin and Joanne, individually and as a couple. Melvin acknowledges that the journey has humbled him, teaching him to give himself grace and strive for continuous improvement. As a couple, they have become a stronger team, united by their mission to provide a loving, safe environment for children in need. Melvin admires Joanne’s sacrificial nature and unwavering commitment to their family, describing her as an amazing mother and partner.
Advice for Aspiring Foster Parents
To couples considering fostering, Melvin advises, “Put the thought into action. Timing is key. Get equipped with knowledge and connect with other foster parents.” He emphasises that while one can never be fully prepared, starting the journey with 80% readiness is sufficient, leaving room for growth and learning along the way.
This Father’s Day, Melvin’s story stands as a testament to the transformative power of love, resilience, and the unwavering commitment to providing a safe and nurturing home for children in need. His journey reminds us that family is not defined by blood but by the love and care we extend to those who need it most.