Many regard sex as something intrinsic to marriage. Though some still believe that if a couple can get along well without this form of intimacy, then it is not a cause for alarm. However, it seems as though the trend points to sexless marriages resulting in unhappy endings.
Even Madonna’s famous marriage to Guy Ritchie ended following 18 sexless months. Judith Steinhart, a clinical sexologist, states that problems in a marriage like a lack of trust, anxiety, financial issues, misunderstandings, pressure from children, all can impact a couple’s sexual patterns.
Reasons for a sexless marriage
Psychotherapist and author, Tina Tessina lists the most common causes of sexless marriages: one partner had their feelings hurt or got turned down too many times, one got too busy or neglectful, or one or both partners has a communication problem of some sort.
Tessina also recommends couples to have sex at least once a week because that intimacy is crucial and couples need to feel connected and cared for.
Fix the problem
Couples out there with a sexless marriage life often reach that stage because they simply have neither the time nor energy. Especially in a nation like Singapore, where the standard of living is high and the fast pace of life is unrelenting, married couples often struggle to find time alone together.
For couples looking for solutions, here are some easy tips to reignite that spark of intimacy.
Talk about it and find out the root problem
A sexless marriage could be a sign of serious underlying problems. Talk it out with your significant other and find out why they aren’t in the mood. Share your feelings and listen carefully to theirs. Don't be judgmental and ready to pick a fight - find out what's causing the lack of intimacy and resolve to fix it together.
Plan for time alone
You work 5 days a week, the child needs constant attention, and the bills are piling up. We know how precious those weekend hours are for resting your mind and body. But don’t give up on intimacy. Take a night off every week to take him or her to a lovely dinner, use that Saturday afternoon for a walk by the beach. Having time alone is important to the marriage.
Make the first move
Too often do relationships become a dull routine of getting up for work, coming back for dinner and sleeping immediately. Remember that you once were romantic and you married for love. Push aside a bit of pride and tell your spouse you miss them and love them. Hug them from behind in the kitchen, kiss passionately at the doorstep!
Try out something new
Remember when you were dating each other? Chances are, both of you were all over each other, and just could not get enough. It’s time to move away from the mundane. Slip into some sexy underwear, use props or try out an interesting sex position. Surprise your lover!
Get professional help
Problems require problem solvers. Don’t be afraid to visit a marriage counsellor or pay a visit to the Doctor. Remember you aren’t the only one who is going through a sexless marriage. Sometimes, all it takes is an opinion from someone observing outside the marriage. It might also be a medical condition that is causing low libido.