Nagging is to a husband what whining is to a mum–yikes! When you see it put in those terms, it’s easy to understand why the last thing a man wants is a nagging wife!
But just like the kids don’t mean to whine, you probably don’t mean to nag. It’s just one of those things that happens from time to time–unless you take the following steps to make sure it doesn’t:
#1 Commit
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Decide to stop being a nagging wife or commit to not starting the nasty habit.
Some wives will plead their case and proclaim themselves innocent or justify their status of being a nagging wife on the grounds that they are driven to it by their husband’s lack of attention, his laziness or his complete disregard for what it takes to keep the house and kids in order.
Nice try, but it’s a cop-out. You have a choice to nag or not to nag. The question is–what choice will you make?
#2 Communicate
Once you make the commitment to not nag, communicate your commitment to your husband. Tell him how much you love and respect him and your relationship and that it is not your desire or intention to be a nagging wife.
You should also tell him what things trigger your temptation to nag at him (dirty laundry on the floor, not repairing things when they break, letting the kids cook and not clean up, etc) and ask that he make a conscious effort to not let those things happen.
#3 Create an alternative
Okay, let’s say the two of you have your talk and come to an agreement on working together to put a stop to your being a nagging wife. Great! But we all know no one is perfect and there are going to be times when:
(a) You nag anyway; or
(b) Things don’t get done that set you up for a nagging spree.
What to do? Create an alternative or ‘buzz word’ that signals you to re-think your position.
Example: Derek can’t even think about eating bologna. So when Suzette starts nagging him he asks her if she would please fix him a bologna sandwich. Or if she sees that Derek isn’t keeping up with the things he’s committed to doing and starts to nag him about it, she stops and asks Derek if he’d like a bologna sandwich.
Sounds silly–even a bit cheesy, but it works. And just for the record, sounding cheesy is a lot better than being a nagging wife.
#4 Compromise
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When you said ‘I do’ you were saying you ‘do’ love your husband as he is for who he is and because he is the way he is.
No, that’s not to say you have to live with a lazy man who expects you to be his mother, but you do need to understand and appreciate that being a nagging wife isn’t going to do anything but make the situation worse.
Marriage is all about compromise. It’s not 50-50 as some would have you to believe. It’s 100-100. So if he really doesn’t see the need to rinse the dishes before he puts them in the dishwasher and you can’t live without it being done–do it yourself. It’s not that big of a deal. But if he likes the house to be kept warmer than you do, buy him a sweater to wear around the house and be comfortable.
He’ll thank you for the lower utility bills. These things aren’t worth nagging about. Just deal with them in a mature, loving manner and move on. There are plenty of things in life to disagree about–the little things shouldn’t be those things.
#5 Compliment one another
What is nagging? It’s finding fault in the way someone does something. So if you don’t want to be a nagging wife, be just the opposite. Compliment your husband on the things he does that make you proud of him, the things he does for your family and for the way he parents your children. When you take the time to focus on the good in the man you love (and why shouldn’t you?) you’ll find yourself less likely to nag him about the things that aren’t so great.
A nagging wife is a destructive wife
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Being a nagging wife is destructive to your marriage, your family and even to yourself. When you nag your husband, you are sending him the message that:
(a) You don’t respect him
(b) He’s not good enough
(c) You think yourself better than him
Receiving these messages consistently will cause your husband to give up on himself and your marriage. That’s right–a nagging wife can destroy a marriage with nothing more than her words.
A nagging wife can destroy her family by sending the message to the children in the family that Dad is dumb, incapable and doesn’t deserve their respect. Children raised in a home where Mom is consistently nagging Dad are consistently the children who treat others rudely, who are selfish and demanding and who have difficulty in relationships.
A nagging wife destroys herself by denying herself the joys of a happy marriage. The wife who nags is so busy finding fault that she fails to see the good in her husband and enjoy the love and affection he would like to show her but can’t for fear of rejection and criticism.
Whoever said ‘sticks and stones…but words can never harm me’ didn’t know what they were talking about. Bruises heal but the words that pierce our hearts and minds don’t ever completely go away.