Most single parents who went through a divorce struggle with easing the separation process. The challenges especially apply to former spouses with kids.
Indeed, the challenge of divorce and any relationship separation is something that can be very difficult for people to overcome. Fortunately, there can be ways to ease separation, especially from single parents’ perspective.
It is common for individuals to struggle with their feelings and behaviours after experiencing divorce and separation. The same thing also goes for the kids of the parents who separated.
Unfortunately, divorce or parental separation can be associated with children’s disruptive behaviour, academic difficulties, and emotional problems.
Parents or two persons who previously get separated experience two common problems. First is their adjustment to their intrapsychic conflict, and second is their role as divorced parents.
theAsianparent had an opportunity to interview individuals who previously experienced divorce or relationship separation. Along with them, we included the insights of Ms Tricia Ho, member of Focal Area “Support for Single Parents” under the Alliance for Action to Strengthen Marriages and Family Relationships and SUSS Lecturer, Law Programmes.
Easing the Separation Process – A Look in the Lives of Single Parents
Image Source: iStock
The decision alone to file for divorce is not easy. It takes a lot of courage and mental and emotional preparation to finally make that huge decision.
Separation affects the couple and the family units around both spouses. Divorce might mean the broken down of the child’s family unit in relationships where there are children.
Here are the things you can do to ease the separation process if you have children and planning to or previously got a divorce:
Do Not Feel Guilty
Always remember that there are a lot of things that can be out of your control. You do not have to feel guilty for getting a divorce or separation from your partner. You must never tolerate the feeling of guilt, especially when you did everything you could to save the relationship.
What You Are Feeling Is Not Permanent
You must never invalidate your feelings and emotion. It is normal for you to feel sad, angry, exhausted, confused, and frustrated.
All these feelings and emotions are valid. However, it would be advantageous if you also keep in mind that what you feel right now is not permanent. It could be painful, but remember that these will not be with you forever.
Life keeps going. Eventually, you will be able to surpass all these challenges and look at your painful past with wounds healed.
Ensure the Quality of Life of Children
While parents are the ones who decide to get a divorce and separation, children are the ones who significantly bear the consequences. When the kids are your top priority, you can make things better separately, especially when you always consider them in everything you do.
Not because your relationship with your spouse did not work does not mean that you will not always be able to perform your duties and responsibilities as parents to your children. You must always ensure that the children’s interests and quality of life are not compromised.
Process Emotions Healthily
Any separation or divorce is indeed painful. However, it would be essential for parents to consider how separation could affect their children. Fortunately, separating with a common understanding for the good of the family is never impossible in any relationship.
According to a single parent, “to achieve that, they would need to first process their emotions healthily, before they can proceed with the divorce in an optimal manner.”
Support and care are available for divorcing and divorced families to help create a brighter path once the couple goes their separate ways.
Other Ways to Cope With Divorce or Relationship Separation
Image Source: iStock
As mentioned above, there is support and care available specifically for divorcing and divorced families. Here are some organisations which could help you and your family overcome separation:
- The Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF)
- and Alliance for Action to Strengthen Marriages and Family Relationships (AFAM)
These are just some organisations offering support through a robust child-centric approach.
- Strengthening Families Programme @ Family Service Centre (FAM@FSC)
- Divorce Support Specialist Agencies (DSSA)
These agencies have trained counsellors and social workers who possess skills in handling divorce matters. Aside from that, they also provide services like counselling and pre-divorce parenting programmes.
Additionally, FAM@FSC and DSSA are social services recommended for couples facing family issues that need support. These organisations complement family law in caring for families in distress. They aim to help strengthen Singaporean families and promote resilience once they face difficult situations.