Compliments make people feel good about themselves and getting compliments is always a good thing right? Well, this isn’t always true, as there are some compliments parents give their kids that can actually have a negative instead of a positive effect.
Here’s a list of those compliments:
1. You’re so smart!
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The point of giving your child praise is to encourage positive behaviour. However, calling them smart isn’t praising any behaviour. It just makes them feel that being smart is something that’s fixed, or innate in a person, which it isn’t.
Instead of telling your child that they’re smart, you should instead praise their efforts and hard work when it comes to studying. Success doesn’t come from simply being smart, success comes from a lot of hard work. So teaching your kids the value of working hard would greatly help them later on in life.
2. I’m so proud of your high grades!
Seeing your child get high grades is definitely something to be proud about. However, you should be praising the fact that your child is constantly improving themselves instead of focusing on the end result.
Teach your child to focus on growth, instead of just getting to the end result, and they would be happier, and more successful for it.
3. You’re a good girl!
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Telling your child that they’re good or bad makes them think that they can only either be good or bad. Instead of telling them directly that they’re good, it’s best to compliment on their good actions instead.
If they helped out an old lady cross the street, let them know that what they did was a good thing, and you’re proud of them. Praising your child’s actions lets them know that what a person does is what makes them good or bad.
4. You’re so pretty!
This specifically applies to parents who have daughters. While calling your child pretty is a nice compliment, it makes your child feel that appearance is an important part of who they are, which isn’t true.
Instead, focus on complimenting their good habits, their good deeds, if they work hard, etc. Your daughter’s value shouldn’t be based on her appearance.
5. Good job!
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A lot of parents tell their kids this in order to help motivate them. But in reality, this only makes your child dependent on your reassurance, making them do what you ask them so that they can get praise, instead of motivating them to find their own reward.
As much as you love your kids, you don’t always have to praise them for every little thing that they do.
6. You’re the best!
Telling your child that they’re the best at something might give them unrealistic expectations about their abilities, and can put them under a lot of pressure to succeed.
If your child fails or feels inadequate, then it’ll make them feel that much worse since they have such high expectations of themselves.
Praise your child’s personal achievements instead of comparing them to others, or turning life into a competition. They’ll be better for it once they grow older.
*Republished with permission from theAsianparent Philippines
Source: rd.com
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