We all know the effects of cancer on the human body, and one can only hope and pray that no one has to really suffer from it. It puts your body to hell and back, and that’s why cancer survivors are nothing short of heroes.
Amidst all the pain and suffering, there’s another aspect that we tend to forget. It’s the families of cancer patients going through the turmoil of their own.
When a family member suffers from cancer, it not only affects their lives but also the ones close to them. Without even realising this, nearly every person in the household becomes a part of your survival journey.
Sadly, that’s what a husband is going through right now as he struggles with his wife’s cervical cancer treatments while she is pregnant.
However, the wife’s recent decision has put the husband in dilemma in what could be a serious threat to the expecting mum’s life.
Pregnant Wife With Cervical Cancer Won’t Meet An Oncologist
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In a Reddit post, user Panzersage shared that he and his wife have been trying to get pregnant for a long time. The 37-year-old revealed that the mum suffered two traumatic miscarriages in the past.
However, the couple was extremely happy to find out about the pregnancy for their second child.
But their happiness came riddled with all sorts of complications. As the husband describes, “Early on in the pregnancy my wife had to be hospitalised due to being unable to eat or keep down food.”
“During the scans, they found a mass on her cervix and did a biopsy. The doctor told her she needed to follow up with a specialist. We discussed our options but due to where she was in the pregnancy if it was cervical cancer any treatment would terminate the fetus.”
Wife had to meet her oncologist and OBGYN every month
The husband further explained that the wife was supposed to see a specialist in addition to her OBGYN every month. One would monitor the baby and the other would track the mass growth.
The wife told her husband that she scheduled visits to either doctor back to back on her day off and would go see them.
“I was very uncomfortable and disturbed by this whole situation. My wife told me I could tell my two colleagues who are close friends, but no one else. She has told nobody and has kept it to herself. I would ask her how the doctor visits went and she would say fine and then discuss the baby,” said the expecting dad.
However, one day the wife’s medical bill arrived at home. It was only for the OBGYN and not the oncologist.
The husband confronted his wife and she admitted that she hasn’t seen the oncologist since she was in the hospital for two weeks.
The husband says, “She refuses to go to the doctor or get it looked into as she won’t have this baby come early. She says there is no point. I argued this is not what any of her doctors told her and that we need a plan in place for treatment after the baby is born.”
However, the pregnant mum is adamant about not seeing a doctor until after the child is born. The husband thinks she will keep putting it off or find excuses.
Husband Concerned About Wife’s Treatment Post Delivery
The husband is also concerned she’ll be out of paid time off (PTO) and the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) due to the hospitalisation.
“My colleagues are very concerned as well and they advised me to talk to her mother, who happens to be a retired nurse who worked in…..oncology. My wife admits that if her mother knew she would make my wife go and get checked out by a doctor. However, she has specifically said she doesn’t want anyone to know including her mother,” the husband added in his post.
“So would I be the as*hole if I went against my wife and her wishes and told her mother?”
It’s truly heartbreaking to see this family go through such a dilemma. While the expecting mum has her own battles to fight, the dad is now under an ethical quandary, to either support his wife and her decision or look out for her wellbeing behind her back.
Netizens Advice Husband To Inform Wife’s Mother
The post has touched a chord with other Reddit users who’ve empathised with the husband. However, netizens also spoke about how it was his moral obligation to save his wife in the current situation.
One user wrote, “You would be the as*hole (YWBTA). But I think you should be getting your wife to an appointment even if it means going with her.
If she doesn’t want the baby early that’s her choice and they cannot and will not force her to. Make that clear to her. But she still needs to be monitored. I’d be willing to bet your wife is terrified and just putting her head in the sand while she can.”
Another Redditor wrote, “Yes, YWBTA, but still tell her mother. She can go to a doctor, get their advice, and still refuse options she doesn’t want. The way she’s handling things will lead to her death, and you being left as a single parent to your children. This is your family and life too.”
One user reasoned that the wife won’t be there to raise either of her children if she continues with this behaviour. While the husband may breach the trust, he will still be able to save the mother of his children.
They wrote, “To your wife, you would definitely be the AH. However, to your children who may have their mother for many many more years and to her mother who would have her daughter around, you be a hero. Ask her what she’d like you to tell your children when they ask why mommy isn’t here.”
Cervical Cancer Treatments By Stage
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It’s the type of cancer that occurs in the cells of the cervix. Various strains of the human papillomavirus (HPV), a sexually transmitted infection, can play a role in causing most cervical cancer.
When exposed to HPV, the body’s immune system prevents the virus from doing any damage. However, in rare cases, the virus can survive for years and contribute towards making some cervical cells cancerous.
For those suffering, here’s a breakdown of cervical cancer treatments by stage.
Stage IA1
Treatment at this stage can be divided into two types – those who want to maintain fertility and those who don’t. Doctors will conduct a cone biopsy for women who want to have children after the cancer treatment is complete.
However, in case the woman does not maintain fertility, a simple hysterectomy may be an option if cancer shows no lymphovascular invasion.
Doctors could recommend a radical hysterectomy with removal of the pelvic lymph nodes if the edges of the biopsy have cancer cells present
Stage IA2
Treatment for women who want to maintain fertility:
- Cone biopsy with the removal of pelvic lymph nodes
- Radical trachelectomy with pelvic lymph node dissection
Treatment for women who don’t want to maintain fertility:
- External beam radiation therapy (EBRT) to the pelvis plus brachytherapy
- Radical hysterectomy with removal of pelvic lymph nodes
Stages IB and IIA: Stages IB1 and IB2
Treatment for women who want to maintain fertility:
- Radical trachelectomy with pelvic lymph node dissection and removal of the para-aortic lymph nodes in some cases
Treatment for women who don’t want to maintain fertility:
- Radical hysterectomy with removal of lymph nodes in the pelvis
- Radiation with brachytherapy and external beam radiation therapy
Stage IIA1
- Radical hysterectomy
- Radiation with or without chemotherapy
Stages IB3 and IIA2
- Chemoradiation
- Radical hysterectomy
Stages IIB, III, IVA
- Chemoradiation including both external beam radiation and brachytherapy
Stage IVB
When it comes to cervical cancer treatments by stage, Ideally, Stage IVB cervical cancer is usually curable. Treatment options vary from radiation therapy with or without chemo to try to slow the growth of cancer or help relieve symptoms.
Cervical Cancer In Pregnancy
A very small number of pregnant women suffer from cervical cancer. In most cases, it’s in the first stage. The oncologist will begin cervical cancer treatments by Stage I while continuing with the pregnancy. However, doctors determine the course of the treatment based on:
- Tumour size
- Do the nearby lymph nodes have cancer
- How far along is the pregnancy
- Type of cervical cancer
The treatment could begin a few weeks after childbirth.
There are surgery options as well for early-stage cancers after birth and include cone biopsy, hysterectomy, or radical trachelectomy.
In the case the cervical cancer is Stage IB or higher, the doctor will need to take a call whether you should continue with the pregnancy. In this stage, the expecting mum will have to undergo hysterectomy or radiation, while chemotherapy can be given as well to shrink the tumour.
A C-section delivery becomes a must for cervical cancer patients, in a bid to begin the treatment. Do speak to your oncologist and OBGYN for the best treatment.
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