Having a short temper can cause serious problems in any relationship. In marriage, especially, it can cause resentment to build over time and can even be the cause of its demise.
So how can you manage your anger to strengthen, and even save your marriage? This was the concern of one mum over on popular Q&A platform app theAsianparent Community.
“Sometimes I can’t control my anger and it’s taking a toll on our marriage,” wrote Lovely S., who has one son. “There are times that I suppress it, but when I reach my threshold I just explode and can’t help it. What do you do to resolve your anger management issues and save your marriage?”
Fellow parents offer advice on how to manage anger
“Taking deep breaths helps a lot in managing your temper,” wrote fellow mum Kirsten S. in response. “When I was single, I used to be hot-tempered most of the time, but when I had my own family, I have tried to adjust my ways for my husband and kids. It would also help to keep silent until you know you can handle the situation well without having to argue with one another.”
For mum Edel A., trying to resolve one issue at a time has helped her. “I also have to leave the habit of saying I’m okay, when I’m really not. Instead, I have learned to acknowledge my anger and keep it at bay so i won’t have to explode and make matters worse,” she writes.
Timmy O. cautions that couples should learn not to say anything out of anger.
“Don’t say anything if you don’t have anything good to say at all,” writes the theAsianparent Community user. “I remember this all the time whenever there’s a thickening tension between me and my wife. Luckily, I’m still able to pull this off.”
For Janina L. taking a breather has helped her resolve her anger issues.
“What I do is I lock myself in a room to just help myself think through the situation,” she writes, adding how she realizes the irrationality of her ways most of the time. This has taught her that it’s really best to deal with herself instead of lashing out on her partner.
Anger management strategies that can help strengthen marriage
1. Stop and reflect
Much like what mum Janina L. does, self-reflection instead of responding hastily can help manage the situation. When the feeling of anger overwhelms, stop and ask yourself: Why is this so upsetting to me? Am I just projecting my frustrations onto my partner? Am I being unfair?
2. Think about your partner’s feelings
This may seem simple, but often in the heat of anger, you can lose sight of how your partner will feel if you yell or criticize them. Take a step back to consider the feelings and actions of your spouse.
3. Ask for space if you need it
Call a time-out if you need space when an argument gets too intense. You won’t get very far in resolving an issue if you’re both blinded by anger. When you’re both short-tempered, it’s best to give each other space. Come up with a plan or even a “code word” you can use when things get too intense.
Take time to think and calm down, then revisit the issue when you can talk about it objectively and move forward to a resolution—together.
*This article first appeared on theAsianparent Philippines
sources: theAsianparent Community, PsychCentral, StrongerMarriage.org