Solo... But Not Alone: Debunking the Myths of Having an Only Child
“There are many reasons why children with siblings might [also] feel lonely, such as when siblings have a large age gap … have little in common, or don’t get along.”
Raising an “only child” is becoming increasingly common. Families are prioritizing quality over quantity, but the whispers of societal stigma are hard to ignore.
Are only children destined to be lonely? Rebeca Greene, a mental health therapist and author of One and Done: The Guide to Raising a Happy and Thriving Only Child, doesn’t think so.
“Only children are no more lonely than children with siblings,” Greene explains. “There are many reasons why children with siblings might [also] feel lonely, such as when siblings have a large age gap … have little in common, or don’t get along.”
Her words challenge a long-standing belief in our culture: that having siblings is the ultimate cure for childhood loneliness.
As a parent, it’s only natural to worry about your child’s social-emotional well-being, especially if they’re growing up without siblings.
But how do you separate fact from fiction? Let’s dive into the realities of raising an only child and how you can ensure they thrive socially and emotionally.
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Why the ‘Only Child Stigma’ Persists
The stereotype of the lonely only child is rooted in cultural narratives and outdated psychology. Back in the 1800s, child development experts labelled only children as selfish, spoiled, and socially awkward. While these claims have been debunked, the stigma remains alive in many modern societies, including Singapore’s.
Parents are often bombarded with well-meaning but unsolicited comments like, “Your child must feel so lonely without siblings!” or “Don’t you want to give them someone to play with?” These remarks can make you second-guess your decision to have one child, even if it’s the best choice for your family.
But here’s the truth: loneliness isn’t determined by sibling status. It’s influenced by factors like the quality of a child’s relationships, their personality, and the social opportunities available to them.
Signs Your Only Child Might Be Feeling Lonely
As a parent, you’re the expert on your child’s behaviour. If your only child seems to be asking for a sibling frequently, it could be their way of expressing loneliness—or it could simply be curiosity. Rebeca suggests keeping an eye out for other signs, such as:
1. Solo Time, All the Time
Does your child retreat to their room like it’s their personal fortress? If they’re consistently choosing solo activities over opportunities to hang out with friends, it might signal a deeper need for connection.
2. The Friendship Struggle Bus
Building and maintaining friendships isn’t always smooth sailing, even for adults. If your child seems to cycle through friendships faster than they outgrow their shoes, it might indicate they’re finding it hard to bond with peers.
3. The Blues and the Boredom
Constant complaints of boredom or frequent bouts of sadness might be more than just a case of “What’s next, Mom?” It could be their way of saying they need more stimulating interactions or emotional support.
4. Over-reliance on You
Are you their go-to playmate, confidant, and partner in crime? While it’s wonderful to have a close relationship with your child, an over-dependence on you might suggest they’re lacking relationships with others their age.
But don’t panic! These behaviours don’t mean you’ve made a wrong parenting choice. Instead, they’re an opportunity to evaluate how you can enrich your child’s social life.
How to Help Your Only Child Build Connections
Loneliness can happen to anyone, with or without siblings. The good news is that you can create an environment where your only child feels connected and fulfilled. Here’s how.
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1. Encourage Quality Friendships
Instead of worrying about the quantity of friends, focus on the quality. Organize playdates or sign your child up for activities where they can bond with peers who share their interests.
2. Foster Independence
Only children often excel at being independent thinkers and self-starters. Embrace this strength by teaching your child to enjoy their own company. Whether it’s through reading, art, or hobbies, independence is a valuable skill.
3. Provide Family Companionship
Families play a crucial role in an only child’s social life. Dedicate time to shared activities like board games, cooking, or exploring Singapore’s parks together. Your involvement reassures them that they’re not alone.
4. Expand Their Village
They say it takes a village to raise a child, and this is especially true for only children. Grandparents, cousins, and close family friends can all be part of their extended “sibling-like” network.
Dispelling the Only Child Myths
Did you know that studies show only children often have higher self-esteem and perform better academically compared to their peers with siblings? Being an only child comes with unique advantages, such as undivided parental attention and resources.
While having siblings can teach valuable lessons like sharing and conflict resolution, these skills can also be learned through other means. Enrol your child in team sports, group activities, or even volunteer work to help them develop empathy and teamwork skills.
Navigating Societal Pressure as a Parent
Raising an only child in Singapore comes with its fair share of societal pressure. Friends, family, and even strangers may feel entitled to comment on your family planning choices. When this happens, remind yourself that you know your child’s needs best.
You’re not alone in this journey. Connect with other parents of only children to share experiences and advice. Remember, the goal is to raise a happy, well-rounded child—not to fit into someone else’s expectations.
Loneliness Isn’t a Given
Next time someone asks if your only child is lonely, flash a confident smile and say, “Lonely? Not even close!” Loneliness is a universal experience—like bad hair days or stepping on Lego bricks—not something that comes with having siblings. By tuning into your child’s social and emotional needs, you’re setting them up for success, whether they have a sibling or not.
Parenting is like a rollercoaster—full of twists, turns, and the occasional loop-de-loop. If you’re worried about your only child’s social skills, take a moment to reflect: Am I giving them enough chances to connect? If the answer is yes, give yourself a high-five—you’re nailing this!
Let’s flip the script on the narrative about only children. They’re not lonely, they’re thriving like a well-watered plant in the sun!
What fun adventure will you embark on today to help your little superstar feel connected and confident?
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