'I like to watch my wife with another man... having sex': The Psychology Behind This

My name is Erica. I’ve been married for 10 years to my husband, Stan. From very early on in our sexual relationship as a married couple, I discovered a quirk about Stan. “Babe, I like to watch my wife with another man, getting f*&%ed hard and hot,” he told me. 

I played along with it because at that stage, it was just a fantasy. But eventually, I realised that he wanted me to do it for real. So one day, I agreed.

Stan set it up for me, creating a profile for me on Tinder, and hooking me up with this guy. Dave (the Tinder guy) was fine with the idea of Stan watching us. I wasn’t completely comfortable in a physical sense, but I was psychologically ready because of just how much Stan talked about it. 

We booked a hotel room, and it happened. Stan didn’t join in – he just watched and masturbated. For me, it was a strange, yet thrilling experience. I’ve never been so turned on, so wet. To be honest. I climaxed so hard that first time, many times.

Since that first experience, I’ve done it at least five more times.

Sex with Stan, meanwhile, has never been better. 

If you’re reading this and feeling rather shocked, you should know that this thought: “I’d like to watch my wife with another man,” is more common in men than you think. 

The whole scenario seems to go against the morals and ethics of marriage. However, it is a fact – some men love fantasising about their wives with another man, and other men take steps to make that fantasy a reality. 

But why would they do that? Here’s what psychologist David J. Ley reveals. 

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‘I Like to Watch My Wife with Another Man’: 6 Reasons Why Some Men Like This

1. Voyeurism 

Most, if not all, men, are exposed to pornography at some point in their life. And, with repeated exposure, it becomes normalised and internalised as part of their sexual repertoire. 

Dr Ley suggests that if they are used to a voyeuristic process in their sexuality, then, they more often than not try to weave it through their marital sex life too.

In a strange way, some men have used it to get out of their porn-watching habit:  “My wife is the most beautiful woman in the world to me, I’d rather watch her having sex than some porn actress I don’t know,” they’ve said to Dr Ley. 

2. Better Sex

Experts suggest there is a subtle biological complex that occurs when a man sees his wife having sex with another man. And it affects his sex drive positively. 

“After watching their wife with another man, the husband is prompted biologically to have longer, more vigorous sex, has a shorter refractory period between erections, ejaculates harder, and his ejaculate contains more sperm,” elaborates Dr Ley.

3. Female Empowerment

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Many husbands who spoke to Dr Ley described the “joy they felt at their wife’s increased independence, confidence and assertiveness, that came from the wife’s freedom to have sex with other men.”

Their wife’s open sexuality was a way of rejecting patriarchal power and the suppression of female sexuality. It also rebelled against the commonly accepted social norm of monogamy. 

4. Physical Health Problems

Dr Ley asserts that some husbands who spoke to him said they couldn’t satisfy their wives in bed due to various physical complaints and issues, including erectile dysfunction.

So they weren’t as vigorous as they used to be and felt they were denying their wives of full sexual satisfaction. 

Encouraging their wives to have sex with other men helped them compensate for these feelings and issues. And it made their wives feel sexually full.

5. Feeling Powerful

Many men got a thrill out of thinking that their wife was so sexy that other men wanted her. But ultimately, she would always come back to him – the husband. This is linked with feelings of power and success, even victory. 

6. Eroticisation of Fear

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This is especially common among men whose wives have cheated on them, yet, find themselves strangely turned on by it.

Here, the “eroticisation of fear” hypothesis comes into play. This is related to the idea that such men fear their wife’s infidelity so much that they convert that fear and anxiety to sexuality and eroticism. This is how they manage it, until eventually, it becomes a sexual fetish. 

Source: Psychology Today

Also read: Top 5 sexual fantasies married men have