How to Make Relationship Conflict Work for You
Struggling with relationship conflict? Learn simple strategies to resolve it and build stronger bonds!
Relationship conflict is something we all face, and it can feel exhausting. Disagreements with loved ones, whether a partner, family member, or friend, can stir up intense emotions. But here’s the truth: conflict is a normal part of relationships. When handled well, it can even make your bond stronger.
Why Does Relationship Conflict Happen?
Conflict often starts when needs aren’t met or feelings are misunderstood. Sometimes, emotional wounds from the past play a role. Psychologists Judy Makinen and Susan Johnson use the term “attachment injuries” to describe moments when we feel betrayed or abandoned by those closest to us. These moments can leave scars that affect how we respond to disagreements.
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It’s natural to feel hurt or defensive, but recognising what’s behind the conflict can help you handle it better. Understanding your emotions and your partner’s can lead to a healthier, more positive resolution.
What’s Your Conflict Style?
We all deal with conflict in different ways. David W. Johnson’s research breaks these into five styles:
- Turtles: Avoid conflict altogether, leaving issues unresolved.
- Sharks: Focus on “winning” and prioritise personal goals over relationships.
- Teddy Bears: Keep the peace by sacrificing their own needs.
- Foxes: Look for compromises, even if no one gets exactly what they want.
- Owls: Work together to find solutions that meet everyone’s needs.
Each style has its pros and cons. For example, turtles might keep things calm short-term but leave tensions simmering. Owls, though their approach takes effort, often achieve lasting, meaningful solutions.
Communicate to Resolve Relationship Conflict
The way you communicate can make or break a disagreement. Focus on expressing your feelings without blaming the other person. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “I feel unheard when we don’t talk about my concerns.”
Listening is just as important. Let the other person share their thoughts and show you’re paying attention. Reflecting their words back, like “So you’re feeling upset about how things turned out?” can go a long way.
Forgiveness Isn’t About Letting Things Slide
Forgiveness plays a big role in resolving relationship conflict, but it’s not about brushing things under the rug. Instead, it’s about releasing resentment. Psychologists Masi Noor and Marina Catacuzino remind us that forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing harm—it’s about finding peace for yourself.
Taking steps like seeing the situation from the other person’s perspective or recognising shared human flaws can help. It’s not easy, but it’s worth the effort.
Turning Conflict Into Growth
Relationship conflict doesn’t have to feel like a disaster. Instead of avoiding it or focusing on “winning,” try to see it as a chance to grow. Working through disagreements together can bring you closer, build trust, and strengthen your connection.
Final Thoughts
Conflict is a part of every relationship. While it’s not easy, it doesn’t have to feel overwhelming. By understanding the causes, recognising your conflict style, and communicating openly, you can handle disagreements in a healthier way. And when you embrace forgiveness and look for growth, relationship conflict can actually make your bond stronger.
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