What advice does celebrity blogger Xiaxue have for all mums coping with mum guilt? Read on, as she shares her experience and tips!
Celebrity blogger Wendy Cheng, better known by her pseudonym, Xiaxue, may be one of Singapore’s most popular bloggers, and as controversial as she is candid, but that apparently doesn’t make her immune to the working mums’ disease – mum guilt.
What troubles mummy Xiaxue
We ask Xiaxue, married to American engineer Mike Sayre, and mummy of an adorable 4-year-old, Dashiel, what the most difficult part of raising a child and juggling a hectic work schedule is.
She tells us, “It’s mum guilt. I think every working mum feels very guilty and shitty, that she has to work. Whenever we take time off our child, we always feel guilty that they are growing up without us.”
“And on top of that, child psychologists always tell you that the first 3 years of a child’s life is most fundamental to his development. And then you start thinking, oh my God, if I take half a day today to go and work, am I stopping my child from being the next Einstein? So you feel very bad about this.”
It’s nice to know that behind the provocative, profanity-laden online persona, lies a mum like any other, who wants only the best for her child. In fact, we were quite impressed by how down to earth Xiaxue was in person!
Xiaxue’s tips for coping with mum guilt
Xiaxue went on to give us these tips for coping with mum guilt:
- Squeeze in time for your child: Says Xiaxue, “Sometimes to handle it (mum guilt), no matter how tired I am, or how hectic my work schedule is, say for example, if I have a meeting at 2 pm and another meeting at 5 pm, I try to come home, and quickly take Dash to the park or read books with him. I try my best to spend that time with him, even though that could have been my rest or relaxation time.”
- Stop comparing yourself with other mums: Xiaxue tells us, “I think it’s very unhealthy to compare yourself with other mums or to criticise other mums. Every child is different.”
“Everything that you see online may not be true. You may think that this person is a very good mum because she’s always talking about her kids or making those crazy intricate bento sets, or showing off her child’s abacus skills. You compare yourself with her and think, “Am I doing such a lousy job, why isn’t MY child like that?””
“But maybe they are just putting on a front, maybe in reality, the child has a lot of problems. People don’t put up bad parenting moments online, they only put up the good ones.”
“Remember that when you compare, it affects your psyche, and when the mum is unhappy the child can actually sense it. It’s difficult to stop comparing, but remember that you are the only mum for your child, and so, just do the best that you can do for him, and stop comparing yourself with others.”
Life as a mum
We ask her what she loves most about being a mum, and Xiaxue answers almost instantly, “Hearing my kid’s laugh. When my child does his big chuckles and laughs with unbridled joy, it just makes me so happy, and I feel that everything is right with the world, like I have the best job in the world. I feel so much at peace.”
“Dash just loves playing in the water, and so when I bring him to the pool he just laughs and laughs, and that makes me so happy!”
She admits that becoming a mummy has mellowed her a little, “I try to use less cuss words now”, she jokes, “Motherhood also means less sleep, and less freedom for time consuming activities.”
We ask her what values she hopes Dash will learn from her, and Xiaxue replies, “Well, I am a very positive person, so I really hope that he will stay positive as well.”
“I also value honesty and fair play, so I want him to be like that as well, and to be courageous in life, and to have the courage to admit that you are wrong…”
“But more than anything else, I just want him to be happy and healthy.”
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