Tips on raising resilient children
Raising resilient children is essential for their future! Learn how by reading on.
Giving your children a carefree childhood is a nice ideal. But, let's face it, it's difficult to put into practice. The reality is: It is not just adults who have to deal with stress. Children do sometimes face pressure, not only from the school curriculum but also from their peers and family.
As they mature, our children need to be able to deal with both success and failures – a quality we know as resilience. As parents, we can help them by teaching them ways of being resilient. That way, we ensure that when they are faced with life's setbacks, they will not be overwhelmed and will instead be able to bounce back and face any challenge.
Although most parents want to protect their children from anything bad or hurtful for as long as possible, doing so can get in the way of teaching them crucial lessons about resilience. It is important to teach independence, self-confidence and resilience at an early age. Here’s how:
1) Encourage Them to Solve Problems
When your child is facing a problem, avoid the urge to jump in and help immediately. Instead, encourage her to explore ways of solving the predicament. For example, if she is disappointed that her teacher didn’t pick her to help carry some books, resist the temptation to call up the teacher to request her to let your child to do so!
Even though it may be the easiest thing to step in, there is a time and place to do so – and it is often later than what your parental instincts tell you. This is especially true as your child gets older.
Encourage your child to find ways to not be disappointed next time. With a bit of coaching, it won’t take your child too long before she realises that she has an option to volunteer help to her teacher. On her own, she will learn that she has the power to change the outcome of events in her life.
2) Coach Valuable Life Skills
Raising resilient children includes helping them work through areas in which they might be weak or challenged. For instance, if your child is too shy to make friends, teach her how to greet a person and strike up a polite conversation. Allow her to practice in front of a mirror or with other members of the family.
3) Skip the Negativity
Raising resilient children means teaching them to deal with problems – but parents, remember not to be all doom and gloom! Don't use dire outcomes as a warning. It will only scare them.
Instead of employing ineffective terror tactics, use all situations as opportunities for learning something positive. The American Psychological Association emphasises the importance of a positive self-view. "Help your child remember ways that he or she has successfully handled hardships in the past," they recommend, "and then help him understand that these past challenges help him build the strength to handle future challenges."
So even if your child fails at an attempt to do something, she will naturally learn that every cloud has a silver lining.
4) Help Them Manage Emotions
Raising resilient children doesn’t mean that they need to be made of stone. Children should be allowed to get mad, frustrated or sad if they feel like it. However, teaching them to manage their emotions is a must.
If your child is disappointed in losing a game and sulks, tell her that you understand her feelings. However, teach her that moping around doesn’t improve anything. Moving on and getting back to practice does!
5) Allow Mistakes
As parents, we hate to see our children fail and make mistakes. However, raising resilient children means that they must be allowed to make mistakes – provided that they learn from them.
If your child didn’t study for an exam and got a failing grade, ask her what she's going to do to prevent it from happening again. Let her find a solution to avoid the unwanted result in the future. These lessons that your children learn for themselves are far more valuable than any nagging or lecturing you.
6) Be a Model of Resiliency
Raising resilient children means being resilient yourself. Show your children that you will never give up on anything, even through hard times. If the family stumbles upon a problem, make it a habit to find a brighter side and say “We can get through this.”
How do you ensure that your children are growing up resilient? Share your tips with us. For added information on how to raise resilient children, watch this video: