"When he was about to come out, it felt like I had a coconut stuck up my vajayjay," and more apt and humorous birth descriptions from Singaporean mums.
If you’re pregnant or thinking about starting a family, you’re probably wondering what giving birth is really like. Yes, there’s plenty of information in books and on the Internet.
But we wanted to bring you real experiences of real mums who tell it like it is. So we asked 10 Singaporean mums to try their best to explain what giving birth really felt like.
And here’s what they said:
Initially there was nothing much, just the contractions. Then I kept feeling a lot of wetness flowing out of me and I could not help but ask the nurse, “What is it I am feeling?” and she told me that it is the bloody show, which is perfectly normal.
Then as the contractions became more intense, the feeling that I felt was alternating between having a cannon ball descending and having repeated bouts of diarrhea in a very short span of time.
It’s embarrassing, but I did not evacuate myself completely with the enema and when I voided my bowels again involuntarily, I told the nurse that she may wish to put another incontinence sheet.
My little girl was very slow in moving down and out, despite me pushing for what seemed like a rather long time, so my obstetrician arrived and used the vacuum to get her out.
When he vacuumed her out, it felt like my organs were being pulled out of me through my vagina. Subsequently, I felt a ring of fire at my vagina as her head emerged.
Everyone said pushing was the best part — and they were dirty little liars! Pushing out a baby feels like taking a giant, fiery poop. Imagine eating 50 red chillies and then pooping out a watermelon. That’s what it felt like to me!
I felt so anxious before giving birth. In the operating theatre, under the strong lights, shivering under the blanket, seeing nurses and doctors walking about and hearing the machine sound made me a little scared.
But after seeing and hearing the doctors and nurses praying for me to have a smooth delivery, I felt safe.
Then my gynae came and gave me an epidural and soon, I felt numbness. Slowly, I felt so cold that I just kept shivering non-stop! I was terrified! But was told that it was one of the side effects of the epidural.
Then, everything began. Doctors and nurses started pressing my tummy really hard to push my baby out. I felt the pressure… and soon we heard a loud cry! My first child was born safely!
I felt a massive force from inside my tummy. It was like a monster was trying to crawl out and I couldn’t stop it!
I started feeling pain quite soon after I was induced, but it was tolerable. By early morning I couldn’t take it anymore and asked to get some pain killers. I couldn’t have an epidural because I hadn’t dilated enough.
A few more hours passed, the pain worsened and the on-call doctor wanted to burst the water bag. I hadn’t really dilated much, maybe just 2cm so it was really tight. The pain was the worst I had ever felt. I was screaming and crying and my husband couldn’t do anything to help me.
Finally after it was done, they agreed to give me the epidural because they said I would start dilating. When the anesthetist came I almost kissed her. The second the meds went in, I wet the bed. Like three times. I was so embarrassed and my husband just kept saying “it’s ok, it’s ok”.
The nurse cleaned me up and put in a catheter and the rest of it was pretty uneventful. I had to have an episiotomy because the doctor said it was not possible for baby to come out without it.
After the baby was born (with the cord around her neck), I vomited for an hour and couldn’t hold baby and my husband was stuck in the middle not knowing if he should be carrying the baby or holding my hair off my face! Luckily all was well after that.
My waterbag was burst by the doctor — it felt like a balloon popping inside me, followed by a gush of warm water. My contractions felt like really bad stomach cramps and the worst backache ever!
Everything happened quite fast during labour so I didn’t really feel baby’s head when delivering… I just kept on pushing.
With my first child, induced contractions made me feel like my kid was trying to dig her way out of my back. I wanted to stab myself!
The second child was a breeze. I had natural contractions when I was to check in to hospital for inducing later that morning. The pain from the contractions was quite bearable — just an annoying lightning-strike feeling sometimes.
Delivery was quite funny. The nurses kept laughing and asking me to stop talking. When he was about to come out, it felt like I had a coconut stuck up my vajayjay.
‘OMIGOD NO BREATH’ ‘OMIGOD I CANT DO THIS’ ‘MY LEGS ARE SORE’ ‘I NEED TO PUSH NOW NOW NOW’ ‘GAS GAS GAS!!!!’ ‘DONT TALK TO ME!’ (referring to my husband).
Both times, I asked my husband to be quiet and not touch me. And both times right after giving birth, my first question was: “did I poop?”
For me the most uncomfortable part of my C-section delivery was getting the epidural. Specifically because I was asked to hunch over so the anesthetist could insert the gigantic needle into my spine — it felt like hunching over a gym ball! The needle itself wasn’t a pleasant experience either.
After that, other than the sensation of tugging I felt when the doctor was performing the surgery, which was a slightly creepy feeling but not at all painful, everything was as pleasant as it could be.
I felt wave after wave after wave of pain. The waves just overlapped and I couldn’t breathe because I was clenching my body from all the pain. I had induced labour for my first child.
I didn’t feel anything of the actual birthing process as I had C-sections for both daughters. With my first one, my induced labour was unsuccessful as we had to have an emergency C-section.
When they pulled my daughter out, the doctor said: “This has got to be the fattest umbilical cord I’ve ever seen! Look, look!” And she woke me up just to show me the cord!
This probably borders on blasphemy, but I didn’t feel a thing giving birth! I had an emergency caesarean section and my contractions felt like mild menstrual cramps.
I was pretty afraid of the epidural, but it didn’t feel more than a regular jab. In fact, lying on the steel surgical table bothered me more!
During my delivery, my baby was stuck (which can be dangerous, but I didn’t know it at that time) and the gynae told the three nurses to push on my belly.
On the gynae’s command to “push!”, I was like, “Hey, this is not too bad, no wonder some of those 30 hours labour, no epidural types get so huffy at C-section births.”
To those mums pregnant for the first time or thinking about getting pregnant, we can assure you that when you see the darling little face of your baby for the first time, you’ll forget about any discomfort in your birth experience without a doubt!
And to those ladies who are already mums, do share you own birth experiences with us in a comment below.