The following is a real life account of marital abuse, shared by a Singapore mum, who even got beaten up during pregnancy! She doesn’t wish to reveal her name here as she feels that her ex-husband is hell bent on wrecking her life. Here is what she has to say about the long years of abuse she endured.
Singapore mum got beaten up during her pregnancy
“When I got pregnant, his business went downhill. For many months, we were surviving on savings.
I was really worried, as not only was I pregnant, I was pregnant with twins! I wondered how we would be able to support our babies when I wasn’t working and he wasn’t earning either.
And then, he started having major temper issues. I constantly got pushed and beaten up in spite of being heavily pregnant. I remained hopeful; I thought it must be the work load and tension due to my pregnancy. I believed that it was my duty to support him.
Twins born premature
In Dec 2009, he borrowed money from my dad, without my knowledge. He claimed that it was to fund my pregnancy and to care for the babies.
However, he used all the money to renovate his new office. I felt angry as it was my dad’s retirement fund. We fought over this; I was pushed onto the floor and had a very bad contraction. It induced preterm labour.
My twins were born almost 3 months premature. To cut down on hospital bills, I downgraded myself to C class, while my twins had to be warded in NICU for 41 days.
Back from the hospital
I went back home from hospital on crutches as I had injured my pelvic bone due to the abuse. I actually suffered the pain in silence and did not even inform the police.
My ‘husband’ of course did not take care of me, he would go to his newly renovated office to check things out. I was left alone in the house, trying to move around, with great difficulty. On every day of my confinement I had to go to the hospital to see my babies in the incubator. It was the hardest thing to see. I cried almost everyday. And yet, I got no support from him.
He was “nice” to be there for the babies too- at that point I thought that finally with God’s grace, he had become a better man. But I was wrong.
In Feb 2010, after the babies got home, we fought over some money issues. I was carrying my baby girl in my arms. He kicked, pushed, punched and shoved me to a corner of the room. I pleaded with him to let me put the baby down, but he refused. He wouldn’t stop.
Sent divorce papers
He then moved out of home to his office and threatened me, saying he wanted a divorce. I begged him not to, as my babies were still small and I needed him to raise them up. I admit I was a coward then, but I did it all for the sake of my babies.
We started sleeping in separate rooms. Life went on, and the verbal and physical abuse continued from 2009 up to 2015. I told myself to tolerate everything, and that I would work to be independent one day. I planned for my freedom.
He gave me some money for the household- money for the kids’ childcare and expenses, and for the maid, with the remaining for house expenses. I tried my best to save any money left and took up courses to upgrade myself. I started working in Dec 2014 . I finally had an income of my own.
The abuse never really stopped. I went for counselling – but it did not work for me.
When my kids finally got into Primary 1, I sent him divorce papers. I also applied for a Personal Protection Order (PPO).
While on the verge of divorce, he threw out my stuff and pushed and slapped me, despite the temporary PPO I had against him. The police couldn’t do anything to protect me. They said it was a domestic case.
I moved out and took the kids with me in Dec 2015. He had the nerve to apply for a PPO against me, saying I abused him out of revenge. It was denied for lack of evidence.
Next, he got my ex-maid to complain to the police that she was abused by me. It was proved later on that she was lying. That incident totally put me off from engaging another maid.
He forced me to pass the kids back to him, I felt helpless then and in the best interest of the children, I dropped them off at our matrimonial home in January, because they were starting Primary 1. Every day during the first 2 weeks, I made it a point to go to the house to help them get ready for school and went back again to wait for them to get back from school.
Then one day I realised that he was planning to move house. He said, “I’m taking the kids away from you!”. Then he slapped and pushed me out of my house. I ran to the school crying and grabbed my kids back to my house. I also reported this abuse to the police.
My ex-husband asked his lawyers to file for an urgent hearing for interim care and control, but in the end I won the case.
He hit my kids
He was so unhappy with the verdict that he ended up abusing my kids when they were with him during day two of Chinese New Year 2016. They came back with slap bruises of 9x10cm size on both sides of their cheek.
I stopped my kids from going to his house ever since. Until the mediation court ordered supervised access to him. Where of course he pretended to be very nice and gained access again in Aug 2016.
We had peace of mind from February to August, as investigations were pending for the abuse and we had PPO against him.
In the mediation court he had said that if I dropped the PPO he would agree to dissolve the marriage and hand over complete care and control of the kids to me. Now that the police is not pursuing his abuse case anymore, he says he wants to fight every single matter in court.
No peace of mind
He has turned more vengeful and monstrous then ever before. His ego is terrible. He refuses to let us go.
Even now, he sends me text messages and abuses me non-stop on a daily basis. I’m sure he’s hatching some evil plan to snatch my children away from me. I have had so much of stress just raising the kids and dealing with this horrible man.
What friends and family said
My family was against the divorce, my dad felt that I should have just stuck to my ‘husband’, no matter what he did to me.
My friends were supportive of my decision, but there were some who felt that I shouldn’t have left and broken up my family.
I feel no one truly understands the abuse and stress I have gone through. I have had enough.
Enough is enough
I have just one line of advice. Be strong and stand up for yourself.
I left my marriage because I did not want my girls to grow up thinking that abuse was normal. No other man should treat them like their daddy treated me.”
We are glad that this mum finally found the strength to say NO to abuse. We hope she gets the justice she deserves. Women going through a similar predicament can contact organisations like AWARE, PAVE and PPIS for counselling and courses.
Also READ: Man caught beating pregnant wife