9 Signs that you can still save your marriage
Can you still save your marriage? See what these experts in the field have to say
Sometimes marriages don't seem to last. There are about a million reasons why a marriage can fall apart, but there are also a million reasons why you should work to mend it.
For those who feel like their marriage just isn't working, there's still hope and we've got signs that can help to prove it.
Recently, Huffington Post shared an amazing article that could very well help save your marriage. In the article, a multitude of experts on marriage and divorce weighed in and gave some prudent advice that can determine if you can still save your marriage. We couldn't help but share their groundbreaking and insightful article. Albeit, with a few helpful alterations and creative liberties here or there.
Check out the 9 signs that prove you can still save your marriage:
1. Mutual respect still exists
Elisabeth Joy LaMotte, psychotherapist and the founder of the DC Counseling and Psychotherapy Center, says that “A sign that your relationship is worth saving is if you still respect your spouse and feel respected in the marriage.”
In other words, if there is still evidence of mutual respect, then all hope is not lost.
2. Troubles aren't directly linked to marriage
“When things become challenging or frustrating or unsatisfying in a marriage, it is common to develop the fantasy that there must be something out there that’s better. And the truth is, there probably is something out there that’s easier or more exciting or more fun — in the beginning. But, typically, the challenges you are facing in your marriage are ones that will eventually surface with someone else as well, so it is worth connecting with a professional to see if you can revive the relationship," says LaMotte.
3. Relationship struggles can be related to parenting struggles
Alison Patton, attorney and licensed mediator, is an expert in divorce cases. She states, "If you have children together and have drifted apart, this is not in and of itself a reason to get divorced. Children kill romance. It’s a fact. You’re tired, stressed and distracted once you become a parent. Most couples go through hard times after having kids. The ones who stay together realize this normal stage of marriage isn’t a deal breaker, it’s a challenge to be addressed. As long as there’s still some respect and love, a marriage can survive. Realize you’ll still have to be connected to your spouse after divorce because of your kids, so there’s every incentive to make the marriage work.”
In essence, having kids can put an overwhelming strain on your marriage, but it's important to remember that the struggles of being a parent aren't the same as having a problem with you marriage. You may just be experiencing additional stress, which makes you more irritable or intolerant with your marriage.
Can your marriage be saved? See what the experts think by clicking next!
4. Envisioning a future apart
If you can see yourself living a life without your spouse, your marriage may be in trouble. Conversely, if you just can't fathom living without your partner, you're in better shape than you may realize.
Psychologist and life coach, Dr. Nikki Martinez, claims, “If you are still able to see hints of what made you fall in love with the person in the first place, and you cannot picture your life without them, this relationship is worth working on. You owe it to yourself, and to each other, to try and address what is causing issues, and see if they can be fixed.”
5. You feel uncertain about leaving
Michelle Weiner Davis is a licensed marriage counselor, social worker, and author of books such as Divorce Busting and The Divorce Remedy. Obviously, she's an expert in her field.
Michelle says that, “Chances are, if you can’t sleep at night because you feel so torn about your thoughts about leaving, it means that there are some valid reasons to consider staying and fixing what isn’t working. When people are done, they get to a point where there’s no turning back. Feeling overwhelmed with ambivalence simply means you haven’t been giving the positive aspects of your marriage enough weight. Shine a light on what has worked in your marriage and get some help.”
6. Chance of reigniting the flame
Leslie Petruk of The Stone Center for Counseling and Leadership (North Carolina, USA) believes, “If you clearly love your partner but just need to add some spark back in the relationship, your marriage may be worth saving. There are many ways to do this, and every marriage hits periods of lulls or monotony. That doesn’t mean throwing in the towel is the best answer. Little gestures every day build connection and are the glue that hold a relationship together. If you have hit a lull, discuss it with your partner and talk about ways that you can infuse some excitement into your relationship.”
To reiterate, if there's a chance of rekindling the spark in your relationship, then there's evidence that you might not need separation. Often, it's just a matter of rediscovering each other in a relationship and appreciating what brought you together in the first place.
Can your marriage be saved? See what the experts think by clicking next!
7. Willingness to work together
Marcia Sirota is a life coach, author, professional speaker, and psychiatrist. In her opinion, “Sometimes, a couple drifts apart because neither person put in enough effort to keep the relationship healthy. If both people are willing to do the work to rebuild and maintain the relationship, and if they still love and respect one-another, the marriage is worth salvaging.”
In a struggling marriage, or one that's on the edge of falling apart, it doesn't mean that it's time to throw in the towel. If both parties are willing to put in the necessary work to fix the problems they're facing, then the marriage is still more than capable of being saved.
8. There was once a solid foundation
All marraiges, at one point, were built on a solid foundation. If you have the understanding to realize this, then you can still work to save your marriage.
As Michelle Weiner Davis puts it: “Even though things might seem bleak right now, if early in your marriage or, for that matter, at any time in your marriage, you had good feelings, a solid connection, passion and so on, there’s reason to believe it can be rekindled. I’ve worked with people who say that, even early on, they never felt a spark or a connection. They married for all the wrong reasons. If the relationship was vibrant at one point, with the right guidance, those feelings can be captured once again.”
9. You still enjoy each other's company
It's easy to say that married couples bicker, argue, or nag each other. It's actually expected, so don't be discouraged. The important question you should ask yourself is, "Do I still enjoy my partner's company?"
If you answered yes, then keep your head held high beacuse there is hope for you and your marriage yet!
“Sometimes a couple grows apart over the years because of poor communication. If both people want the same things in life, enjoy doing various activities together and get along on a day-to-day basis, and if they’re willing to work on improving their communication, the marriage is worth salvaging," says Marcia Sirota.
If you have any insights, questions or comments regarding the topic, please share them with us!