Now that your wife is pregnant, you're wondering how your sex life will change? Ron Afable shares his experience.
It's been two years since you've tied the knot. You're still madly in love with your wife, and look forward to spending every waking minute of the weekend in bed, appreciating her beautiful body. You love cuddling in bed with her, taking showers together and making love as often as possible. Life seems perfect.
Then all of a sudden, before you know it, your wife, your sex goddess, is about to become your baby's mama! She's suddenly cranky all the time, and getting rounder and rounder by the day. You still desire her, but you're not sure how to thread. Will she swat you like a fly if you make any advances? Or God forbid, will you hurt your unborn baby if you actually manage to get to third base?
The way you're feeling is normal, I assure you. I had my fair share of questions the first time my wife got pregnant!
Is it safe for her to have sex?
Yes, for the most part! However, if for some reasons, the wife has some misgivings about her health, it is always a good idea to consult with your family doctor. If he says no, ask him to be specific about the reason.
Besides your doctor’s warnings, there are also other situations when you could not have sex with your pregnant wife. While these are basically commonsensical considerations, it remains practical to still point the obvious, such as:
Having a history of miscarriage or premature birth
The placenta is covering the cervix (this is Placenta previa in medical terms)
Her water has broken
She is having bleeding problems or membranes have broken
Your (or your partner’s) religious belief or cultural upbringing about pregnancy sex (if ever there is such a thing)
Either you, or your partner, has sexually-transmitted disease (told you, these are obvious considerations).
Will she want to have sex?
Well, that really depends on your wives personality and how she is handling the pregnancy journey. Generally speaking, sexual appetite is reduced in the first trimester due to your partners nausea and fatigue.
But judging from what I’ve seen with my wife, some women would still want steamy, mind-blowing episodes with the Mr. even when she’s just spent the good part of the day in the bathroom, expelling her gut out.
The good news is things generally bounce back in the second trimester, especially between months 4.5 - 6.
In the third trimester your sex life is bound to suffer again. This is mostly caused by your wives physical discomfort and changing body has probably made the usual sex positions pretty uncomfortable. Some dads to be also fear that their partner's orgasm may lead to premature delivery.
What if she does not want to have sex at all?
Be understanding of the discomfort your partner is facing and all of the body changes she is dealing with. Remind her how beautiful you think she is and try to maintain intimacy with her in other ways, like cuddling, kissing or giving each other a massage. Do also consider relieving her of some of her daily stressors (is she busy with housework, or monthly household budgets?) so she has more energy to respond to your urges.
Will I still want to have sex?
Tough question to answer. Some dads experience an increase in sexual appetite, due to the newer, closer connection to their wife and the confirmation of their "masculinity". Others may feel turned off by their wives changing figures, or be scared of hurting the baby. Some may also feel there is no need to have sex anymore, since the deed is done - and mission has been accomplished. Which ever way you feel, try to talk them over with your partner.
How will the sex feel for dads to be?
At first, sex during the wife’s pregnancy could be awkward, or even comical. A giggle here and a burst of stifled snorting laughter there could actually add fun to the adventure. You see, it’s either the wife’s so huge or/and both of you are afraid you’d hurt the baby.
The first thing you would find out is that the missionary position is what both of you would want to avoid, for fear of squashing the baby. Later in pregnancy, it is also not safe for your wife to be lying flat on her back (the weight of the baby is too much for her organs to handle in that position). So be creative, experiment and try new positions that would work. If you haven’t been this adventurous with your love-making before, this is a very good time to start.
What about oral sex?
In the first trimester, it is very likely that your wife will not want to taste or smell your "shlong". (Nausea, remember?). In second and third trimester, oral sex is fine (and fun!). When giving oral sex, do no blow up any air into her vaginal canal. A burst of air up there could actually put her life at risk.
Here are some positions dads to be could try
Wife on top – While some men may complain that they feel helpless when the woman is on top and is the one in control, this position works best during pregnancy as your wife can control how deep you penetrate inside her. She is also in control of how fast or slow the session will be.
On all-fours – this is sometimes referred to as“doggy-style.” At the early stages of pregnancy, this could actually be one of the most preferred positions. The wife does not have to exert much effort and there is no direct pressure on the tummy. However, when the belly becomes bigger, it would be heavier and it might get pressed against the bed or pressed between her legs and upper torso. As long as she could keep her belly raised, this would work as just one of those position for a shorter time before switching to another position.
Spooning – this could be one of the most erotic and sensual positions lovers could have. The woman sits in front of the man who is also in a seated position. There is no pressure on the stomach, and the man could reach in front for added stimulation to his partner's erogenous zones.
Lying on one side – this position frees the woman’s back from pressure, and the tummy is safely supported by its side. With one leg raise, the man could enter from either behind or he can be position perpendicularly (like a letter “T” position) and penetrate while facing her. This could be a tricky position at first but once you get the hang of it, you’d find that this is less strenuous for both of you.
If, for some reasons, you can’t do any of the above, the simple but very intimate mutual stimulation of the partner’s sex organ would do the trick. Do note however, vaginal secretions may taste stronger during pregnancy.
Whatever the case, just remember to go slow, be creative, enjoy yourself, and spend time appreciating each other, both physically and emotionally.