To all heartbroken mothers out there who have suffered a pregnancy loss or are struggling to conceive a baby and feel so angry at the world -- believe me, I truly know how you feel because I have been there many times before
After struggling for three years to conceive my firstborn, little did I know that there was such a thing as second infertility and I continued to face many heartbreaks when my husband and I started trying for another baby.
After another 2½ years of struggling to conceive, I finally got pregnant again but soon after suffered from an early miscarriage and was completely in shock for the next few weeks.
I cried until I had no more tears left, while trying to come to terms with why my body had betrayed me with this pregnancy loss.
About 1½ years later, I finally conceived once again and was completely over the moon as I excitedly announced my good news to everyone.
However my happiness was short-lived because before the end of my first trimester, ultrasound scans revealed some complications and the future of my pregnancy looked very bleak.
I had an extremely rare condition known as a cornual ectopic pregnancy, and the doctors advised me to schedule for a surgery to terminate the pregnancy and extract everything before there were any life-threatening complications.
But my body decided to naturally end the pregnancy first and I suffered my second miscarriage, so was rushed to the emergency room where during an internal scan it was discovered there was still something inside my uterus.
As if things couldn’t get any worse, I found out that I had actually been carrying twins and then a few days later, my second little one came out.
I couldn’t make sense of why this was happening to me. How could something this terrible strike me so many times? Why was my luck so bad? Why was God punishing me?
I was all out of tears and felt a pain in my heart for the following days as I kept asking why life was so unfair?
I wondered why there are some people in the world who are blessed with so many children and can easily fall pregnant without any complications and how they could even have the heart to cause great harm or even kill their own flesh and blood?
“It’s so unfair”, I would say — there are other couples out there who would do anything to have a blessing of their own, yet here are these ungrateful parents who don’t seem to appreciate what they have.
I was angry at the world, angry at my situation and just angry at life in general because I felt it was really unfair.
My heart felt as empty as my womb.
Keep reading to find out what I learned from my pregnancy loss and what made me realise that life actually is fair after all