My husband gets upset when I deny him sex. What should I do?
Truly satisfying sex in marriage should never be an obligation
Sex is one of the most intimate expressions of love for married couples. So what happens when one partner constantly says no to sex?
For some couples, a lack of sex can cause them to doubt their partner’s love and commitment.
For men, it can cause a blow to their ego, and make them imagine that their wife doesn’t find them attractive anymore.
Is saying no to sex considered not fulfilling your duties as a wife?
A married woman shared her dilemma on Women’s Health, writing how her husband asks for sex “every single day and gets angry when I tell him no.”
She laments how her husband uses sex as a bargaining chip, obliging her to do it if she asks him for certain favours.
“If I want to do something and he doesn’t, he wants sex out of it because he knows I don’t want to have sex and it’s honestly the only way he’ll get it now,” she confides.
Though they’re a young married couple, this dynamic is driving a wedge between them. Even if they are willing to sort other problems in their marriage, she no longer knows how to fix this particular issue.
Many of those who offered advice agreed that using sex as a manipulation tool is unhealthy. And a good, mutually pleasurable sex life is essential to a good marriage.
Mums over on ParentTown agreed that having a healthy marriage doesn’t depend on how many times you have sex. Just because you rarely have sex, it doesn’t mean you are no longer loving and supportive. The desire to have sex can depend on individual needs, moods, or a variety of other factors that influence sexual behaviour.
Sex shouldn’t be something you owe your spouse, so it should be okay to say no to sex
No means no, even in marriage. Though having sex is a part of marriage, it should not be a forced obligation.
Husbands shouldn’t blame their wives for a lack of interest in intimacy. But rather, they should strive to better understand non-sexual factors that could be causing this rejection.
The motivation for saying no to sex isn’t always physical. It can be due to emotional or mental obstacles that can cause a loss of interest in sex.
If you are a married woman who feels like there is something wrong with saying no to sex, rest assured that it is perfectly normal for your sex drive to wane at some point in your marriage. It is your right to have agency over your body, even within the union of marriage.
Seek the help of trusted friends or a marriage counsellor if you feel like the lack of sex and your husband’s frustration is ruining your marriage.
Oftentimes, the reasons you don’t want to have sex have nothing to do with the physical at all. Help him to understand that.
What advice would you give to the women mentioned above? Let us know in the comments below.