Man who cheated on his wife while she was pregnant seeks advice

A new dad wants to know if he should come clean about his infidelity. Fellow parents share their thoughts on the difficult issue

There’s nothing that puts strain on a relationship quite like infidelity. A new dad, eaten up with guilt, could only post anonymously on ParentTown hoping to get advice on whether he should tell his wife.

screengrab: ParentTown

screengrab: ParentTown

“You should be a man and own up to it and face the consequences, and not just keep quiet about it.”

“I feel sorry for your wife, who’s living under the veil of a happy marriage,” wrote Jamie K. “This is what I think – if you had the presence of mind to cheat on her twice, then the relationship is very well over. You just want the best of both worlds, don’t you? I’m not sure if you expect a kind reply, but you’re definitely not getting it from me.”

While Jamie had no advice for the anonymous user, Nazneen B. suggests that he should come clean if he can’t take it any longer. “If it’s bothering you that much tell her and let it out,” she writes, adding that the best course of action is still to keep silent. “Sometimes its best to keep past under wraps. let it not affect your present.”

“If you keep it from your wife, one day your wife will find out too, and I believe the consequences will be even greater.”

Claudia C. urged him to man up, writing, “Well honestly, it was a real crappy thing to do. To betray the trust that your wife had in you. You should be a man and own up to it and face the consequences, and not just keep quiet about it.”

Mum of three Diana L. didn’t mince words saying that it was his own decision to “spoil” his marriage. “You should be honest to your wife and face the consequences from your acts,” she urged him. “If your wife is willing to forgive you, never ever do it again. If your wife is not forgiving you, that’s your punishment for being unfaithful. If you keep it from your wife, one day your wife will find out too, and I believe the consequences will be even greater.”

“What if she already knows and is keeping quiet about it? Surely that will ‘eat her up’ even more, right?”

Nooraini D. experienced infidelity in her marriage and so decided that divorce would be the best course of action.

“I am currently going through a divorce because my ex-husband was just like you, random cheatings when I was pregnant,” she recounted her painful experience. “It continued even after I gave birth. I might have reacted differently and consider forgiving him if he had been honest with me instead of denying and accusing me of not trusting him.” But all she felt was utter disappointment that while she was carrying their son, her husband was living the “single” life.

“Sure, you can keep mum since you don’t want to “hurt” her but what if she finds out anyhow without you telling her?,” she asks the user. “Or what if she already knows and is keeping quiet about it? Surely that will ‘eat her up’ even more, right?”

“If you had the bravery to cheat on her twice, no reason why you can’t own up to it.”

Wan F. believes that keeping silent about the affair is simply cowardice. “If you had the bravery to cheat on her twice, no reason why you can’t own up to it,” she wrote. “You’ve already gotten flack about it from everyone here, so I’ll spare you from that (though I probably shouldn’t) What’s more important now is that she has to know exactly what’s she’s getting herself into as well. If you’re not committed to her and the pregnancy, she needs to know all the facts to make her decisions to leave or forgive you. Grow up. Grow a pair. She doesn’t deserve to be lied to. No one does.”

“You both need to be honest to each other, come what may.”

Elton J. assured him that, at least, showing some regret means he still cares for her and wants to save their marriage. He recommends that he tell her everything. “Knowing it could result in a straight divorce, I’d still take the courage and say it,” he wrote. “You both need to be honest to each other, come what may. Now, considering if you don’t say – your life would just keep going normal, but it’d always keep eating you inside. I’d only suggest it if you can decide you’d never do it again. If you do, you’d yourself break up considering you’re not worthy of her. Be true to yourself.”

What do you think, mums and dads? Should he keep mum or come clean?

READ: ‘My husband has been cheating since we got married. What should I do?’

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