“What it was to be in love…with a married man”

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Well I do understand that there are certain forbidden territories, but this was a territory which wasn’t abused, trespassed or messed with

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I discussed this topic with my colleague at work and she jumped saying -’You must write about this.’ I think she guessed it that this was a personal experience or something I felt strongly for.

To be in love is a wonderful feeling and I do not know how people segregate love on the basis of the status of individuals. Well I do understand that there are certain forbidden territories, but this was a territory which wasn’t abused, trespassed or messed with.

And here I am to share one more chronicle -a love affair with a married man..

How it started

So when all the single men coming by me were not worth a second glance or chance, I stumbled upon a man who crossed my path and made sure I cross his too. At first, the logical brain started arguing -Nope, he’s married, nope there will be complications, danger zone!

But then when I saw him stand away from his status, I realised: “Hell yea” he’s the guy who does make me go a little weak in the knees and all over. So switch off your thinking button and go for it. And I just went with the flow like always.

The relationship was fun, intimate, adventurous. No commitment as I understood where he’s coming from. He was a typical guy who was afraid to confess his feelings in the open for another woman, a guy who wanted to be perceived as an ideal husband, an ideal father, an ideal son, but he was still upfront ready to love me.

Nope he wasn’t a jerk, nope he did not lie about his marriage, nor did he have a turbulent married life. Then what was it that made him reach out to me?

He always said: “You are such a rebel and a reflection of me. You have a pretty face and a prettier selfless heart filled with love and little expectations.”

What happened next…

Now is the next question-where did I hit myself to get into this relationship? Like a hopeless romantic I would say- my heart. He was a loving partner, a caring companion, a male agony aunt, someone who treated me with love and respect.

There were only 2 conditions to this relationship a) It could never be revealed  b) By no way would his family know of or be affected by it. We spent time together whenever we could. Be it once a week, thrice or daily. It all depended on his availability.

Days passed into months and months into a few years. Little did we know that this relationship couldn’t be forever. Just like each relationship progresses towards expectations and the inability to meet them, this one did as well. The girl who was loved for expecting little, now started expecting a little more.

What went wrong!

The situation progressed to me getting restless when he didn’t take my calls nor returned them. I wanted him to spend his weekends with me but the family man couldn’t. I wanted to celebrate all special occasions with him. I started keeping away from my friends and spent days feeling lonely and depressed instead.

The relationship had gone to such a level that I chose to ignore that he had a family. I wanted more… I needed more…

Regular fights started creeping into our relationship and clearly that was an indication for me to move on from this married man.

Today, I am out of the relationship but there is still some love left. Not that it has charred me in anyway and I won’t move on. Of course I will and I am. The depressed, lonely Naz is out and Samatha Jones is back..;)

But this was an affair to reminisce… And hey one strong message from this one. Not every relationship beyond marriage is a clandestine one and also not every married man is a jerk..

To have loved and lost is better than not loving at all. ;)

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