'The One You Love or the One Who Loves You': Whom Do You Choose?

Very few couples are lucky enough to be in love with each other at the same time with the same intensity. For most of us, we do fall in love with each other, but not at the same time. One falls in love with the other, woos him/her and then convinces him/her to be a partner. 

This means that one of us is more in love with the other. 

While it may seem like a compromise, trust me it is not one. Ask yourself and answer honestly: Were you more into him when you decided to be together? Or was he more into you? And now, after spending years together and raising a family, are you into each other equally? For most of the couples that are going to stick together, the answer would be yes.

We decided to find out what our readers think about the big question: “Would you rather be with someone who loves you or with someone whom you love”. There is no ideal case scenario here. I will reveal the result of the poll at the end of the article. See if it surprises you. However, let us first see why people end up choosing either option.

Option A: Be with your heart-throb

Ever since we understand the concept of love and longing, it is our dream to be with our ‘crush’.  So much so that we are convinced that he/she is our soulmate! You pine for that person. Every single person goes through intense love, and many suffer equally painful heartbreak. The cycle repeats till someone agrees to be with you! The point is, the warm fuzzy feeling that you get when the object of your affection smiles at you is awesome and you want to experience it throughout your life!

When we asked our readers why they want to be with someone they love, they came up with interesting reasons. The most common reason was, “I believe in my love. Eventually, my partner will see that I am his/her soulmate and fall in love with me as well”. The other reasons being, “Because it is my dream!”, and “what if it is the other way round and I end up falling in love with someone else? I will not be able to live with it. It will make me very unhappy.” 

All the reasons are quite valid. 

Option B: Be with your ‘puppy’

“Can you live with someone who is not in love with you?” was the most common question asked by those who choose the other option. “Imagine the horror. You are with a person who may ends up liking someone else. How bad will it make me feel! Imagine being in a relationship where there is a third wheel…”

And don’t they have a point? The first option rests on an optimistic gamble that your partner would reciprocate love. But what if he/she never stops looking for love? What if ‘The One’ does not think you as a soulmate? Would it not have an effect on the family? I guess it would.

The verdict

More than 85% of the respondents went for the more practical option: Marry one who loves you. And why not? As grownups, we realise that life is not a romantic novel. It is not always about getting the pulse racing and having wobbly knees. It is, at the end, about stability. As you grow up, you realise that you have been confusing love with attraction. 

Attraction is like a cool breeze on a hot summer day and love is like the warm sunlight. You may not value sunlight while it is still there, but once it is gone, the world starts to look gloomy and dark (literally)! 

So mums and dads, what would your answer be? A, or B?

Also, read Relationship advice to children from a dozen real dads!