'My husband has been cheating since we got married. What should I do?'
The mum-of-two shared her story on ParentTown and sought the advice of other parents, hoping she could decide whether she should end their marriage or not
What if you find out your partner has been unfaithful ever since the day you vowed to spend the rest of your lives together?
Such is the dilemma one Singaporean mum-of-two has found herself in.
She sought the advice of her fellow parents on theAsianparent Community. She began by telling her story.
"My husband had been cheating on me since marriage. He left me and my two daughters who is 18 months and a newborn baby."
"My husband and I had not been living together for four months. I stay with my parents. My husband had been cheating on me since marriage. He had contacted (me) and is now living with the same woman. He left me and my two daughters who is 18 months and a newborn baby. Just need an opinion. Should I divorce him? Just to let you know he rents a condo and lives with this woman. For four months, he never bother to ask about me and daughters."
"It is better to leave than to continue suffering."
She also recounted how, even after their honeymoon, he continued seeing her. Despite this, he gave him numerous chances hoping he would change. And though she is "totally heartbroken", she's trying to keep it together for the sake of her two daughters.
Reine T., another mum-of-two, advised her to leave him. "If you will like to go through a divorce and have young children, the court will order for counselling session," she explained. "You can attend it to decide if you really like to go through it. In my opinion, if there is no love or he no longer cared about your kids, it is better to leave than to continue suffering."
More advice from her fellow parents on the next page
"You have a newborn, it's a time of change for you and your family. I would not do anything drastic at the moment."
"This is a hard call - have you both seen a marriage counsellor?" asked Roshni M. "You have a newborn, it's a time of change for you and your family. I would not do anything drastic at the moment."
An anonymous user wrote a blunt observation as well as practical advice: "Reading this article, I can't help but think that your husband married you because you are pregnant but not out of love. Anyway, that is not important; now, you need to focus on bringing up your kid. That includes planning for finances et cetera. Your first task now is to rally your family and friends. Second: file for child support."
"You need financial support from your family and caregiving help. If you can get that, the rest will be easier."
Rene S. agrees that the first order of business is to begin saving money to fund divorce proceedings and then to demand child support. Get evidence on his cheating; ask friends to follow him and take photos," he strongly suggests. "Talk to him with recordings. Keep receipts of monthly expenses."
"Divorce will be ugly," he warns. "Even if your husband agrees initially, be ensured that his lawyer will teach him to break his promises and turn nasty. but first and foremost, you need financial support from your family and caregiving help. If you can get that, the rest will be easier."
Find out her responses on the next page
"It is not going to be easy being a single mother."
In response to all the comments she received, the jilted mum-of-two wrote: "I have yet to file for divorce (because) I just recently give birth. Feeling pressure as he left me when I was 6 months pregnant and plus with my 18 months toddler." Adding that she is still waiting for the letter he promised to send her.
"I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this," wrote anonymous user. "It is really never easy for us women. Especially if kids are involved. If you are seriously considering a divorce, you have to think of your support network because have a baby and a toddler. It is not going to be easy being a single mother."
"Think it through carefully."
The mum, who admittedly had gone through a divorce, stressed the importance to be "think it through carefully and to be "really strong". Though she wishes she could advise her to give him another chance but she believes in the saying "once a cheater always a cheater".
Another anonymous user revealed that she, too, had to divorce her husband. But, it was not because of infidelity; it was due to domestic abuse.
She recounts how she gave him many chances to change over the course of three years but he never did. So she decided that "enough is enough. I don't want my child to grow up in such a family. It was really tough but I'm glad I had support from my family to help me through so stay strong for your kids. That's the only way to make it through."
She thanked everyone for allowing her some reprieve from keeping things bottled up.
"Thank you all for your care and concern. I know it is not easy. I'm trying to be strong for my two kids. Thank you for all your advice. I appreciate it very much. (I) feel relieved letting out my problem and listening to (your) advice."
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