4 Tips to Handle a Jealous Mother-in-law and Break the Ice

Women have often griped about jealous mothers-in-law who wreak havoc in their marriages. They are either too clingy to their sons or want to control their lives at all time. This often creates friction between couples, and so the question is how to deal with mother-in-law who hates you? Or one who is jealous of you?

Well, for starters they may not actually hate you, but are unable to let go of their baby. They may even feel intimidated by you or your prominence in their son’s life now. And so, a bit (or a lot) jealous. 

But things can get better and you may be able to break the ice with your mother-in-law who at the moment isn’t really in love with you. 

How to Deal with Mother-in-Law Who Hates You and Is Jealous of You

Here are a few ways on to deal with a mother-in-law who may be insanely jealous of you. 

How to deal with mother-in-law who hates you? You can even extend a friendly hand towards her by engaging in small conversations at first. Try to share your interests and ask her about hers. | Photo: iStock

1. Let her enjoy some mum time 

Mothers often fear that they would lose their sons once they get married. Some more so than others. But you can help her ease into her role as a mother-in-law by having your husband spend quality time with her. Set a date for the two to spend time together, encourage them to go for a brunch or a dinner. You don’t have to join them. 

If you are not in the same city as your mother-in-law, you can encourage your husband to call her once or twice a week. If he is just as busy as you with work, perhaps you can take the initiative and dial them in. This will remove any insecurities she may have about where she stands in her son’s life.  

2. Take the first step 

Whether you like it or not, your reaction can ease a lot of tension. Remember that relationships are always a two-way street, and sometimes we often receive what we give. You may be respectful towards your mother-in-law, but that may not be enough to break the ice. 

For instance, if you don’t want her to be jealous of you spending your time with husband, then don’t feel frazzled if she wishes to spend time with him. This is especially true if you live together. Your husband will have to divide his time between his wife and mother. 

You can even extend a friendly hand towards her by engaging in small conversations at first. Try to share your interests and ask her about hers. Mothers often spend a lot of their time and energy caring for others and it comes a fresh reminder to them that somebody cares for them too. 

3. Communicate openly 

None of us have to love our in-laws. If you happen to, and they reciprocate equally, that must make you happy. But when that’s not the case, you can at least try to be as civil around each other as possible. 

If there is tension between you and your mother-in-law, ask her what you can do ease it. This direct confrontation will stump her, and she may share a lot more than you expected. 

You may have to swallow your pride and take the first step towards opening a transparent line of communication with her. This doesn’t mean you can let her walk all over you. It just means you take the first step and hear her out. A lot of misunderstandings occur because we do not communicate openly.  

4. Be thoughtful towards her 

It’s not rocket science that what goes around comes around. If you practice to be a bit more thoughtful towards your mother-in-law, she will reciprocate the same way. 

No matter what the situation, she is the mother of your spouse, and she raised the man you fell in love with. So be mindful of it and speak to her respectfully, whilst still being firm in your resolve. 

Do not badmouth her or shout or be rude to her unnecessarily. Carry yourself with grace so nobody can point fingers at you. You may not be able to change your mother-in-law, but you should be able to hold your head high. 

Try to break the ice and become friendly with your mother-in-law and you’ll be surprised to see that she only craved a bit of attention. 

Source: Psychology Today

Feature & lead image courtesy: Stock image